Sales as Seduction.

It's probably a bit too early in the day for this conversation, but here goes.

The other evening my wife and I were talking about our respective days. For some reason, I got talking about the concept of "consultative" sales, where you ask questions, discover needs, and then figure out how to fulfill those needs. She listened for a while and then said, "You're talking about sales, right? Because you just described how you convinced me to give you my phone number."

We both laughed, but later on, when I thought about it, I realized that selling and seducing (if that's the right word for it) are extremely similar. Back when I was single, I could walk into any bookstore and almost always emerge with a woman's phone number, and often with the woman herself. (Don't get all excited... I'm talking about going out for a cup of coffee.)

How did I do this? Be personable. Wear expensive shoes. Listen twice as much as I talk. Find something in common. Build rapport. Identify an unfulfilled need. (E.g. "My ex-boyfriend hated the ballet.") Satisfy the need. (E.g. "I have passes to the Wang Center and could use some company.") Phone number. Next steps. (E.g. "I'll call you with the details. When will you be available to talk?")

Now, before you go thinking that I'm a pig, be aware that the above routine worked because I was honestly looking for the right kind of person to marry. And, given my bookish nature, I reasonably concluded that I'd be most likely to find somebody compatible in a bookstore.

However, I was clearly (if unconsciously) using consultative selling methods to "sell" the idea of going out on a date with me. And those methods were extraordinarily effective.

But as I think about it, I can't help but wonder about the role of gender in "consultative selling." I know from experience that women tend to take a VERY different approach to "seduction" than men. They're far less direct and far more subtle -- but they often get what (or who) they want.

So here's my question: Are gender differences reflect in the way that men and women sell? I'm not talking about using "sexiness" to sell. (Although I've seen that used in B2B sales, notably in ad sales.) What I want to know is if women sometimes find popular sales techniques (like "Always Be Closing") to be awkward and unnatural. Too "macho" as it were.

Ladies! Help me out here, because I'm obviously clueless.