With these words, April Beyer (www.aprilbeyer.com) leads men and women through the labyrinth of dating and relationships. She sat down with Russ Mitchell to discuss deal-breakers and deal-makers in relationships.
To decipher the deal-breakers of another, you need to observe behaviors and listen. Don't ask too many questions and don't talk about your deal-breakers on a date.
The three most common deal-breakers for men are:
Men don't always like the trappings that come with dating successful women. Beyer said they want a soft place to land when they come home
"The competitive, aggressive behavior that women are portraying now (in the workplace) doesn't work in a traditional relationship," Beyer said.
A woman should not have preconceived notions of how dating and the relationship should be, Beyer advised. Rather, she needs to have realistic expectations and not be too demanding; otherwise the man will feel like he is constantly failing. And men hate to fail.
The three most common deal-breakers for women are:
Beyer explained that frugality in a relationship isn't directly tied to money. She said, "It's about the gesture. And we as women feel a bit insecure when a man is frugal. We feel that he's not taking care of us."
Men also need to have a plan when they approach dating. Powerful, successful women are turned off by men that ask them out in a casual way. Not having something set up to do bothers most women.
"Every woman that I sit down with is constantly complaining about, 'How come he didn't come up with a plan for us?' And strong women especially want someone to come up with that plan," said Beyer.
Deal-breakers and deal-makers change as we grow older and you should always be growing and allowing your choices to be informed by your experiences. As we mature, some things become more important and some become less important. Beyer said, "If you are looking for, at 45, what you were looking for at 25, then you might have a problem."
And be flexible about your deal-breakers. Don't be superficial and stay open. Beyer said, "You don't know who you are going to find chemistry with until you're with that person."