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HurryNewsHere!

By Matthew Felling

June 1, 2007 / 11:46 AM EDT / CBS News

(theonion.com)

"TV news reporting has always been about breaking the story down into only the barest, most salient facts, but the breakneck pace of contemporary reportage doesn't allow for that anymore," said Professor Robert Kubey, director of the Center for Media Studies at Rutgers University. "Today's ace reporter isn't the one with the best command of the language, but the one who can say 'Congress!' or 'Health care?' or 'Slam dunk!' with the most appropriate expression on his or her face."

--The Onion, in "Media Landscape Redefined by 24-second News Cycle" – a truly inspired takedown of the worst trends of cable news.