Finding Love In A Recession
In those early days of love, there's usually plenty of wooing - flowers, fancy restaurants and fun dates.
But with money tight and jobs scarce, who has money to impress? Fear not - there are ways to spoil your love interest without going into debt.
Relationship experts Matt Titus, founder matchmaking Web site perfectfind.com, and Lauren Iannotti, an editor at Marie Claire magazine (marieclaire.com) had creative "relation-tips" to help keep things cooking without draining your funds, on The Early Show Saturday Edition.
1. THE ECONOMY'S IN A MESS, THERE'S A CHANCE YOU MIGHT BE UNEMPLOYED, OR YOUR JOB MIGHT BE IN DANGER. IS THIS EVEN A GOOD TIME TO BE LOOKING FOR LOVE?
Lauren: I say go for it. When do you need love more than you do right now? Of course it's best to find someone when you're on top, but don't rule out love just because you're unemployed.
Matt: It's the best time in the world to go out and find love, especially for men. You don't have to rely on spending big money to show someone a good time. The simplest, cheapest things are much more feasible with women right now. No one expects luxurious and pretentious first dates these days. Now, women are looking for someone with a great personality and unique ideas for doing great, romantic things without spending a lot of money. And for women, you might want to connect with someone now more than ever before, and find someone you can hit this economy with head-on. I know people don't have money, and they're looking for love, and as a match maker, I've started a Web site, perfectfind.com. It puts people together and it's absolutely free, and that's what so many people are looking for right now.
Relation-Tip: Don't rule out love just because you're out of work
2. BUT IF YOU WANT TO ASK SOMEONE OUT, AND YOU'RE BROKE, WHAT DO YOU DO?
Lauren: You have to be more creative than usual. Think back to your college days, when you might not have had a lot of money. What did you do? You can find so many places these days where they are offering half-price dinners. Or, suggest meeting up for a cocktail and an appetizer instead of dinner. Movies are too expensive, and you don't want to do movies anyway, because you can't talk, and it's no way to get to know someone. Wherever you live, there are probably great things going on all around town. You can explore the town's street fairs. And you can get a cup of coffee for $1.50 (maybe not from Starbucks) and just sit and talk.
Matt: It's true, the worst thing you can do on a first date is to go to a movie or an expensive concert, because you don't get to know the person. A simple coffee would be cool. Take a walk, go to the park, take in the environment, it can be very romantic, it's beautiful, you can talk an awful lot when you're walking outside.
Keep in mind, also, that day dates are cheaper than night dates, so you might want to consider making your first couple of dates during the day, on the weekend, maybe to a nice coffee shop where you can hide, and get to know each other. And bring back the "cheese" factor to dating. Ice skating is cheap, bowling is as well. And who knows how to bowl anymore? No one! So you can both have a great time, look a little silly, and have some laughs.
Relation-Tip: Day dates cost a lot less than night dates
3. HOW ABOUT SAYING, 'I WANT TO GO OUT WITH YOU, I'M SHORT OF CASH, WHY NOT JUST COME OVER TO MY HOUSE AND I'LL COOK YOU UP A NICE DINNER?'
Lauren: You have to be very careful there. There is a temptation to rush along into making dinner for each other. It should not happen. Danger! Don't do it!!
Matt: I think it's all in the delivery. If you really like this person, and you're poor, but you make a mean Tilapia and grilled vegetables, why not invite her over for a nice, romantic dinner? But again, it's all in how you ask. Tell her you really like her, with the economy you're short on cash, but you are a great cook, so why not come over for dinner? Tell her you're not an ax murderer, she can have dinner and be out by 9:00 if she wants. If that fails, tell her she can bring a friend along. That's not perfect, but it might make her feel comfortable, and that's what you really want to do, make her feel comfortable.
4. SPEAKING OF COMFORTABLE, IS IT EVER COMFORTABLE FOR THE WOMAN TO SAY, 'HEY, I KNOW TIMES ARE HARD, LET'S GO DUTCH,' OR EVEN, 'I'LL PAY?'
Lauren: Yes, but it's a tricky conversation. You don't want to ask on the first date, that's up to the guy. He can pre-empt that problem in the beginning by being a little creative with money. If he really wants this date, don't go crazy, but he may have to splurge a tiny bit. Cancel your HBO to save some money to go out on this date. But then you can have that conversation with him, it's hard, but you can. No woman should presume that she is going to be paid for by the guy. It's all right to ask to go Dutch. But offer once, offer twice, and if the answer is no, just let it go. If you're out on a date, you can reach for the check, but if he refuses, again, let it go.
And keep in mind, if you're dating an unemployed banker, the economy will rebound, and he could be a great investment. He will remember you were there with offers of help, and he just might stick with you for life. It's OK to be a "Sugar Mama." But it's never OK to be a golddigger, you have to do this from your heart of it will smack with insincerity.
Matt: No, no, no! It is completely emasculating. Men pay, or men don't go out. We just gave you a whole bunch of alternatives for things to do that won't cost you more than five or 10 dollars. If you ask a girl out, you have to have the money to pay for the date. You initiate the date, you pay.
5. SHOULD YOU LET YOUR DATE KNOW THAT YOU'VE LOST YOUR JOB?
Lauren: Yes, why not? In this economy, chances are your date could be unemployed, or certainly will have someone close to them who is unemployed. If they're gonna turn you down because you're going through a temporary hard time, you should know now. Anyone who discriminates based on employment status isn't someone you want to go out with anyway.
Matt: Nope, you don't have to, and you shouldn't tell them. Here's the thing: TMTS (Too Much, Too Soon) about anything, especially the intimate details about your financial status, is never an accepted practice. You don't have to tell them. You should use the first dates to highlight yourself, and the things you can do, and you have to show them. These economic times have made this all the more about who you are. You have to show a woman who you are, very quickly. And it's great for guys. We're getting A's for effort now. When she knows you're trying, that's when she will fall in love with you.
Relation-Tips: Make your dates more about you, not your job status