Excerpt, "Introverted Child"

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Helping Your Innie Child Reap Introvert Advantages

"Wisdom is the quality that keeps you from getting into situations where you need it."—Doug Larson

Because of the way they're hardwired, innie children are primed to enjoy the following twelve advantages. Parents can give these children a helping hand so that they can understand and use their potential strengths and brainpower. If they can embrace these advantages and learn to use them in positive ways, introverted children will be well on their way to forging a fulfilling life path.

1. Introverts Have Rich Inner Lives

"Do you believe in God?" seven-year-old Adam asks me when we meet. He goes on to say, "My family isn't religious, but my friend Kesah goes to church every Sunday." I respond to his interest in religion and say, "Yes, I do. Sounds like you are wondering about God and what other people believe. People all over the world have many different religious beliefs." "I'm still thinking about it," he says. I can almost see the little wheels turning inside his head. "I'm sure you will decide what you believe," I add.

Introverted children know they have an interior world. It is ever present and alive for them. Rather than constantly turning to others, they rely on their interior resources to guide them. In their private garden away from the material world they concentrate and puzzle out complex and intricate thoughts and feelings. This allows them to engage with the deeper aspects of life. They want to know what things mean, why something matters. They're not afraid of the big questions. They can step outside themselves and reflect on their own behavior. As with many things, it is a double-edged sword: This interiority gives them rich inner resources, but it can also lead to feeling isolated.

Innie children want to understand themselves and those around them, to know what makes people tick. They are observers and watch other kids. They are less vulnerable to peer pressure since their own internal thoughts and feelings serve as a base for them. They make decisions based on their own values and standards rather than running with the pack.

It's important for parents and other key people in introverts' lives to help them express their thoughts and ideas. Without the experience of talking with others, innies won't learn how to value, trust, and manage their interiority. Without enough interaction with similar-minded children or adults they begin to think that other kids don't share their experiences, that the tenor of their private thoughts separates them from others. Innie children will feel less alone if they are given the opportunity to share their thoughts and feelings with other children. When this happens, everybody benefits.

Cherish your innie's interiority. Chat with him about your thoughts and feelings. Ask for his responses and ideas, making sure to pause so he has enough breathing room to answer. Recognize that innies care about purpose, meaning, and feeling connected to others. Find ways for him to contribute by volunteering in an area of interest, hook him up with a pen pal in another country, or encourage him to give to a charity in some way that is comfortable to him. If you aren't religious, you can find a mentor or religious person for him to talk to about his spiritual thoughts and questions. Help him make sense of all he notices, affirm his appreciation of nature, reduce his sense of isolation, and give him a means of directing his compassion.