Column: A Simple Plan To Get Hillary Elected

This story was written by C.G. Shields, The Daily Athenaeum

Hillary Clinton will not go away.This should be no surprise to me. I voted for her; that tenacity is one of things I found attractive about her. But the primaries are over, the convention is in two weeks, Barack Obama will be the nominee and Clinton will not be his running mate.Clintons hard-case supporters, angry that she has lost, bitter at the compromise that got Michigan and Florida delegates half a vote, want her name on the ballot in Denver. On top of that, some true believers have pledged to vote for John McCain in the general election.Now, I shouldnt even have to say this, but here we are. If you supported Clinton over Obama, as I once did, I will give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you had motives for doing so other than outright racism. That being the case, John McCain is not the candidate for you. In fact, he probably hates you and opposes everything you believe in.So its over. Isnt it? Isnt it time to move on, rally around the party banner and get to work on beating McCain in November?I thought so, until I realized what is really happening here.If we come together as a unified Democratic Party, support the candidate who won the primaries and vote for him in November, we might end up with a 47-year-old president with long years ahead before senility creeps in. Well have a Democratic president with what is certain to be a Democratic Congress. In case you werent paying attention from 2002-2006, a president with an agenda and a Congress with a majority from his party is a recipe for getting things done (Not always good things, of course, but things).So, in a couple of years, we might end up with a defined horizon for withdrawal from Iraq (which McCain opposes). We might be working on balancing the budget (McCains not interested). Well continue the internationally cooperative proceedings with North Korea (which are working and which McCain opposes).Well be on our way to ending the harebrained dont ask, dont tell policy (which Congress is currently studying and which McCain supports). We might have civil unions that would provide equality on legal and tax grounds (which McCain opposes). Maybe well even be working on an energy plan that accounts more for the future of the nation than the coffers of ExxonMobil shareholders.Well, we cant have any of that. That would just get Obama elected again in 2012. Clinton would be sidelined for eight years, and she would be 69 years old before she had another chance perhaps too late in life for the laborious, thankless task of being president. One must be at the apex of ones strength and wisdom for that job.The answer is obvious. We must elect McCain, who is so old he may not last until the next election anyway. We must put the country through four more years of backwards social conservative absurdity and subject the world to a foreign policy that would somehow be less interested in multilateralism than George W. Bushs famously antagonistic administration.Here we have a chance to come together and do what is unquestionably right for the country: torpedo the election of a candidate who mostly believes everything we believe because were mad our candidate didnt win. This is an entirely reasonable thing to do.So lets do it. Lets have a Republican president with a Democratic Congress. Lets ignore the international community on North Korea and Iran; obviously we didnt need anyone elses help to win in places like Iraq and Afghanistan.Lets actually believe that the Supreme Courts ruling, which guarantees Guantanamo prisoners the right to habeas corpus proceedings, is one of the worst decisions in the history of this country (McCain said those words).Lets keep qualified gay Americans who want to serve the country, and who seem to have a proclivity for learning Arabic, out of the military where there is no need for anyone who speaks the languages of the Middle East.Lets elect a man who was n bed with Charles Keating in 1989, before he had a road-to-Damascus awakening on campaign finance and proceeded to infuriate conservatives everywhere. They still hate him for that his own would-be base, from which he is now desperately seeking absolution for his sins.This is perfect. Nothing will get done. There will be no progress. The worst policies and ideas of the worst disciples of George W. Bush will be carried on while the things Bush got right will be abandoned.Congress will violently oppose everything the president does, and the president will issue a record number of vetoes. Gridlock will hold sway. It will be a complete disaster.And the only way out will be to elect Clinton in 2012. Its ingenious. I just cant believe it took me this long to figure it out.