Body Language: Keep it Positive

Non-verbal communication makes up 58 per cent of what we notice when we first meet someone. You may be totally unaware that you are indicating feelings from huge distrust, distaste, suspicion, aggression and negativity through your body language, so here're a few tips to show how your physical attitude could be negating your message.

Personal Space. It can be a simple thing to judge how someone feels about you depending upon how close they stand to you. We all have different areas of personal space -- intimate, personal, social and public -- and within these zones we have defined limits.

• Intimate is an area from zero to 18" (heavily guarded and highly selective)
• Personal extends from 1.5 feet to four feet from the body and is divided into 2 zones, 'close personal' and 'far personal'.
• The Social Zone from 4-12 feet apart is usually the distance stood between 2 business people who are not too familiar with one another, this again is divided into close and far according to familiarity.
• The Public Zone is anything over 12 feet and is common for informal gatherings or when people are speaking to groups they know.

Posture. Standing up straight, well-balanced on both feet, with eyes looking directly ahead speaks volumes about confidence and health. Drooping shoulders and downcast eyes speak of dejection, shyness, illness and negativity.

When sitting, sit comfortably back in the chair but lean slightly forward to show interest. For those wishing to improve their posture, I recommend the Alexander Technique as a great way of improving posture and overall health issues connected to poor posture.

Eyes. The most expressive part of the face, when people see something pleasant, their pupils dilate. Less attractive sights will tighten the pupil and with practice this can be spotted and behaviour addressed.

Arms. Partially folded or tightly folded arms are considered defensive (protective), which can demonstrate feeling threatened or being in a negative or sceptical mode. Be aware that if people are clenching their arms with their hands as well, this mode is being reinforced.

Rubbing hands usually signals a positive attitude and can also suggest an openness to what is being said and anticipated.

Handshakes. Be aware of sweaty palms, not always easy to cure but very unpleasant to be offered, especially if accompanied by a limp handshake -- I call it the wet lettuce.

A strong vice-like grip can also signal attempted dominance, and beware the person who also uses his other hand to hold your upper or lower arm as he shakes your hand. This is supposed to show sincerity but tends to alienate rather than enforce.

Legs. Crossed legs can give an impression of negativity so look out for other signs that might reinforce the signals. When a man places his ankle on the knee of the other leg, this shows a competitive nature, and if his hands are clamped over the upper leg, then he is unlikely to change his mind.

Mirroring. The philosophy of Neuro Linguistic Programming will tell you to 'mirror' other people's stance in order to achieve rapport. It's a complicated science overall, but supporters show successful achievement through it's practice.

Bearing in mind the subtle signals that come from body language, both yours and others' is a useful tool during any forms of negotiations, and can be used to your advantage.

(Pic: Hazel Motes cc2.0)