A Place For New Dads
There are lots of places for new, first-time mothers to go if they have questions or concerns about motherhood. But where does a first-time father of a new-born go for the same emotional support? Debbye Turner offers them help in "Yikes, I'm a Grown-Up."
As a radio journalist who works from home, Brad Pomerance enjoys lots of quality time with Ivy Jane. But, he does not have much quality time with other first-time dads, something that would help him with his own fatherly concerns.
"After the pregnancy came to fruition, it was tough. I mean, men don't really have a lot to do with the rearing of a child, biologically, or with the physiology," said Brad, laughing.
Fortunately, experts are starting to listen to these dads' cries for help. That is where "The Pump Station" in Santa Monica, Calif., comes in. Normally a place for new mothers, it now hold sessions for "New Fathers." According to group facilitator Dr. Josh Pretzky, fathers welcome the chance to have conversations on subjects they can't talk about with their wives.
"My wife won't admit that she went through, um, emotional changes … chemical changes," said Ken Rutowski. "And, it's, you have to be very cautious on how you, you broach certain subjects. And then obviously, the body changing. I couldn't comment on Victoria Secret commercials for a while."
Dr. Pretzky says fathers need to take certain steps to becoming level-headed fathers.
"If the dad is going to become more of the primary caretaker, or be more of an equal partner in the primary caregiving for the new little baby, then he has to figure out what's his style going to be," said Dr. Pretzky. "And oftentimes, he doesn't know what to do. And he wonders, well, should I follow the cues of my wife, or my significant other, and do it that way. Or should I find my own way. And a lot of the times, he's left not knowing."
Perhaps the first barrier for members of the "New Dads" class to overcome is the stigma some may feel about getting in touch with their sensitive side.
"I just never know how much hugging to give her. Because I don't know if that's more for the mother's side," said Omar Ramierez at one "New Dads" meeting.
It could be a "macho" thing.
"Men are used to talking about certain man things," said Dr. Pretzky. And certainly today babies and mothering is still considered to be about the mother and not about the father."
Every man in the class agreed they had learned something new just by taking a few baby steps toward a larger understanding of fatherhood.
"In the older generation, dads never changed the diapers, things like that. And now, you know, I couldn't wait to change my first diaper," said Don Matsumoto. "And it was just the greatest. I'm glad to hear all these other guys are doing the same things I'm doing. And it's just great to be in this group."