A Look At Open Adoptions

There was a time when a young woman who gave up her baby up for adoption had to accept that she might never see that child again. But today, there's a trend toward "open adoptions," in which the birth mother is kept informed as to the child's progress and often times has a relationship with her child. It's a new model for adoption that many believe makes sense.

Kelly Carroll says, "When I was 16 I found out that I was pregnant. I didn't have a clue, it was like oh my God I'm pregnant, what's next?"

She was a senior in high school in Lansdowne, Pa., when she gave birth to a baby girl. She knew she wasn't ready to be a mother, but she couldn't bear the thought of giving up her child in a traditional adoption.

Kelly says, "I didn't like the idea that, you know my baby would go somewhere and I would never be able to be a part of her life again. It broke my heart to even think of that being an option."

Then Kelly learned about the concept of an "open adoption."

She says, "And everybody started saying you know you can have a relationship with your child even if you place her with another family. And that blew my mind because I couldn't believe it."

With the help of an agency, Kelly allowed Pat and John Merritt to adopt her daughter Abigail. They chose an open adoption, but they didn't know if the arrangement would work.

Pat Merritt says, "She would call and ask how Abigail was doing, and I think we invited her down when Abigail was about 6 weeks old and she came down for the first time, and I know that was very hard for her. We were nervous, we were very nervous, nervous that she would see how beautiful she is and how wonderful and might change her mind. But she kept reassuring us and so did her mom."

Legally the Merritts were only required to update Kelly periodically and send photos of Abigail. But a relationship developed, and today, four years after the adoption, Kelly considers herself to be part of the family.

Kelly says, "I see Abigail about once a month, sometimes more. Every time we get together, Abby's pretty excited to see me, and I'm always happy to see her. From the get go Pat and John were very open. It's so open where we spend birthdays together and we spend holidays together. It's like one big extended family. It's wonderful."

Pat Merritt says, "For us too, we look at it as we have another branch on our tree. And it just becomes extended family. And that's the way you treat it and that's the way it's progressed.

We like the fact that Abigail sees Kelly and that she knows that Kelly is part of her life. And that she was in Kelly's belly, not mine. And it's OK."

Maxine Chalker runs "Adoptions From The Heart" an agency, which facilitates open adoptions. She says, "I think open adoption benefits a child because they have direct information as to the reason their birth parents placed them for adoption. They also get to know medical information, which as you get older is more and more important."

Chalker says the degree of contact between the birth mother and the child varies greatly.

"I think some birth parents are comfortable with more contact and some are comfortable with less contact," she says. "Sometimes they feel that it doesn't help them get on with their lives, and sometimes they feel that it does help them get along with their lives. So really depends on the individuals involved. These are just like any other relationship. "

Although Kelly and Abigail have a close relationship, there's never any doubt who the mom is

Pat Merritt says, "If Abigail would fall and hurt herself when Kelly was playing with her or bump into something as toddlers do, and cry, she wants her mommie. And it would tug at my heart and I would feel bad for Kelly."

John Merritt says, "In my situation I feel pretty secure and I think Abigail, believe it or not, makes me feel that way. Because every time I come to the house she just lights up and just runs if she has a chance. If I'm right on top of her she just gives me a big hug and a kiss.

Both the Merritts and Kelly feel fortunate that their open adoption has worked so well, and they believe that it's Abigail who'll benefit most.

Kelly says, "She'll never have to wonder about where I stand or how I feel about her because yes, I did place her for adoption. But I've been right here the whole time. I don't resent my choice ever. I don't regret what I've done. If I was going to place my child up for adoption this is what I wanted. I got a family that is loving and open and respects me and I respect them and we're just a very happy group of people."

Find out more about open adoption call Adoptions From The Heart at 1-800-355-5500 - 24 hours a day.