A Cynic's Rules for Business

Starting this month, I'm going to be adding a "weekend" blog entry to SalesMachine. Since I don't work on the weekends, and I assume that you don't either, these weekend posts are going to be a bit broader in choice of topic, and may drift a bit outside the world of selling.

A few of you have asked for my personal philosophy about business. I'm probably the wrong person to ask, because I'm really quite an awful cynic when it comes to most things. Anyway, here are some of the rules that I've compiled or conceived over the past decade or so:

• Nothing is sure in this world except death, taxes and bad management.
• You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him think.
• When God closes a door, He throws you out the window.
• Everything happens for a reason; usually a fairly stupid reason.
• There is no "I" in "team"; however there is a "me."
• Corporate bureaucrats, like bugs, are attracted to heat and light.
• Some markets are zero millions growing to zero billions over five years.
• Neckties create pressure on arteries and starve the brain of blood.
• "Business intelligence" is an oxymoron, like "happily married."
• All generalizations are false, including this one.