Zoning Out On Sydney

I try not to criticize competitors. No matter how you put it, criticism always comes off a little cheesy, as if you're jealous or trying to take advantage.

But try as I might, I can't make heads or tails of the Olympics.

I know, I know. NBC is trying hard and it's not their fault the games are being played 80 time zones from my house.

But it's just too much for me. I can't figure out when the games are being played. Sometimes they're on cable, sometimes they're on the network, and once I find an event it seems like I read about it in the paper last week.

Even the NBC people are starting to notice. I heard Jay Leno say his network is now sharing the History Channel slogan, "We Bring the Past Alive For You."

We've never had the Olympics this deep into a presidential campaign - and a month ago, all the politicians were worried. They wondered if people would be so glued to Olympic coverage they'd forget who Bush and Gore were.

Short answer: No. I've heard more talk about George W. Bush kissing Oprah than I have about the Olympics.

This may be a fairly dull campaign, but the only thing distracting about this year's Olympic Games is trying to figure out when they happened and by the time we find out it doesn't seem to matter much. Until they get closer to home, I'm sticking to baseball.

Oh, and one other thing - I don't like those sharkskin swimsuits either.