"The X Factor": More cowering before Cowell?

(CBS) The "X-Factor," Simon Cowell's new instant talent-creation show that debuts on Fox Wednesday, is not like "American Idol."

This is principally because Simon Cowell is no longer on "American Idol," which upon his departure became the kinder, gentler "American Idol."

On Wednesday, America will see for the first time what Cowell has been concocting. Like (the old) "Idol," this is a U.K. show, which has enthralled the British nation since 2004.

Like (the old) "Idol," it features two lady and two male judges.

Like (the old) "Idol," it features the permanently effervescent sister-love of Paula Abdul, who will be accompanied in the middle of the judges' table by Pussycat Doll and "Dancing with the Stars" winner Nicole Scherzinger.

Like (the old) "Idol," it features a music industry veteran judge - a man who has seen it all, done it all, written it all and even signed it all: Antonio L.A. Reid. Reid's other job is Chairman and CEO of the Epic Label Group.

Essentially, there is one epic difference between the "X Factor" and (the old) "American Idol." Cowell clearly got tired of sitting in beige hotel meeting rooms in order to listen to strange youths warble like crows with a banana trapped in their esophagus. This - coupled, no doubt with stale hotel croissants - was the true pain of (the old) "Idol."

Now, he can sit in a nice auditorium seat with an audience for company. Yes, auditions are for real. You have to prove your X-Factor straight away in front of around 4,000 people or you will be hexed and X-ed from the stage.

The "X Factory" production line is open to younger contestants, (minimum age 12), older hopefuls and even groups.

This might leave you wondering whether any of the "X Factor" winners in the UK has stormed with world with his, her or their vast vocal seduction. You might have heard of Leona Lewis, who has become something of a Cowell prodigy and did make an appearance on (the old) "Idol." Her very memorable "Bleeding Love" helped her to three Grammy nominations.

However, you might not have heard of Steve Brookstein, Shayne Ward, Leon Jackson, Alexandra Burke, Joe McElderry or Matt Cardle. Most of whom seem to be individual singers in the 20-30 age range. Like (the old) "Idol." (The lone outlier, Brookstein, was 36.)

These names all won the U.K.'s "X Factor," but haven't exactly become world-renowned. Like many of (the old) "Idol" winners - do you still have your Taylor Hicks T-shirt? How about your Kris Allen mp3s? Essentially, the contestants' primary role is to become the stars of a fixed-period reality soap opera.

In "The X Factor," we will see contestants being mentored. We will see them living, "Big Brother"-style, in a nice, large house. They are there to become our little foster brothers and sisters. We must bathe in their back-stories. We must melt into the muddle of their struggle. We must watch their journey, and most of all, we must take sides.

In the middle will be Cowell, hopefully offering something caustic and withering, something worth talking about when the singing leaves us cold - or dreaming of Coldplay. It's only a "hopefully" these days because Cowell's personality may have gone a little soft, just at the time that some accuse his facial features of acquiring a curious firmness.

He surely knows that most people watched (the old) "Idol" just to hear his bark and hark his sneer. Can he offer just enough Darth Vader nostalgia to make viewers taste his venom? Cowell claims that "X Factor" will be "more fun, more extreme, more exciting." How much more fun, extremity and excitement can America bear? Our capacity is infinite.

Just as his sometime chum Nigel Lythgoe has done with "So You Think You Can Dance," Cowell is using "X Factor" to introduce a new British presenter to American screens - and, he hopes, screams.

Steve Jones is Cowell's hope to follow in the high heels of "So You Think You Can Dance" host Cat Deeley. Like Deeley, he is very pretty - yes, even better looking than Ryan Seacrest - with a smile that could illuminate a tricky eye surgery.

Unlike Deeley, he has already enjoyed rumors of American relations. Specifically, those who claim to know about these things say that he has squired not only Hayden Panettiere, but also Pamela Anderson.

Yes, and he's still only 34. Clearly, a star in the making. "The X Factor" has to have the Sex Factor.

For the contestants, their main hope is not to get their hands on Hayden Panetierre - nor, indeed, on Jones - but to place their fingertips on $5 million. Yes, the prize for the lucky winner is a $5 million recording contract.

Will the "X Factor" be money? Surely you cannot wait to find out. Surely you will feel all is right with the world economy again the minute Cowell declares someone's performance to be "karaoke."

Or, as he once offered on (the old) Idol: "Did you really believe you could become the American Idol? Well, then, you're deaf."

Tell us: Will you tune in for "The X Factor"?