"Keep away from my husband, Amanda!"
"I'm sure you'll do the right and noble thing, Mr. President."
Did you guess? Well, whether or not you got the right answers depends on how much time you devote to watching television. But the titles we're talking about are "MASH," "Melrose Place" and "West Wing."
We could have thrown in one more for "Beverly Hills 90210," but we figured you'd be anxious to find out more about what's in store this week.
Let's get this pop-cultural show on the road, shall we?
"A Good Year" brings us Russell Crowe as a businessman who rediscovers himself when he moves to a small vineyard in France. He thinks the place is legitimately his, but then a young woman shows up, claiming that the property is rightfully hers.
If you're looking for a flick with a heavyweight cast, "Stranger Than Fiction" is a good bet, with Will Ferrell, Emma Thompson, Dustin Hoffman, Maggie Gyllenhaal and Queen Latifah. A man wakes up one day and finds that his life is being narrated by an anonymous female voice. It may feature Ferrell but be warned that this is billed as a "tragicomedy."
That's nothing compared to the genres covered by "Harsh Times": comedy, drama, romance and scifi-fantasy. The movie, featuring a cast including Christian Bale, Freddy Rodriguez and Eva Longoria, centers a former Army Ranger who is seeking a job as a cop so that he can marry his Mexican girlfriend and bring her to the United States.
Finally, "The Return" brings us Sarah Michelle Gellar as a woman who is haunted by nightmarish villains and stalked by a creepy ex-boyfriend. Of course, she is determined to get to the bottom of all this.
A pair of Veterans Day programs focus not on history but the military sacrifices unfolding now, among the soldiers bearing the wounds of Iraq.
"CNN Presents: Combat Hospital," premiering at 8 p.m. ET Saturday, Nov. 11, and repeating Sunday, Nov. 12, follows the doctors, nurses and medics treating casualties at the 10th Combat Support Hospital in Baghdad, housed in a building once used for Saddam Hussein's medical care.
The film, without narration or musical score, presents unsettling images as soldiers, civilians and insurgents are treated for gunshot wounds, burns and the injuries caused by the improvised explosive devices known as IEDs.
The work is round-the-clock and grueling; the pain of the wounded and demands on the medical staff seem endless.
The program includes footage of the day 12 causalities, including seven critically wounded U.S. soldiers and critically wounded CBS News correspondent Kimberly Dozier, arrived at the hospital. It was Memorial Day of this year.
The Showtime channel marks Veterans Day with the TV premiere of the documentary "Home Front," airing 7:30 p.m. ET Saturday, Nov. 11. Director Richard Hankin tells the story of Jeremy Feldbusch, one of the more than 17,000 U.S. troops wounded in Iraq.
Feldbusch, an Army Ranger from Blairsville, Pa., suffered a shrapnel-caused brain injury that caused blindness, seizures and psychological problems. Back home, he faces a lack of resources aimed at helping him through rehabilitation and back into the world.
His struggle to craft an independent and routine life is supported by his family and the Wounded Warrior Project, which aids veterans in getting what they need.
When is a snapshot a cash cow? When it's shot by a member of the paparazzi, the celebrity trackers who make money keeping magazines filled with pictures of Brad, Angelina and other members of the modern extended family.
"Paparazzi," airing 9 p.m. ET Wednesday, Nov. 8, on BBC America, details a year in the world of Darryn Lyons and his photo agency, Big Pictures, with its far-flung offices in London, Los Angeles, New York and Sydney. A BBC film crew, given access by Lyons, captured photo negotiations and deal-making, and tracked photographers as they hunted for hot shots of the likes of Jude Law, Beyonce and Kate Moss. Lyons said the work involves "a lot of blood, sweat and tears."
Make way for Miss Ross! Actually, the diva Diana has come up with a lovely idea: a CD titled "I Love You," featuring nothing but love songs, including "More Today Than Yesterday," "The Look of Love," "Always and Forever" and "I Will." This is Ross' first studio album in seven years and, according to the official product description, "the intent is that this CD can be played at celebrations of love and life: weddings, family gatherings, intimate moments." How can anyone argue with that?
Not quite on the flip side of this coin, but maybe on its edge, we have "Love, Pain and the Whole Crazy Thing" from Keith Urban, who in the past year has married movie star Nicole Kidman and checked into rehab. If you're not careful, you'll get hung up on the whole "chicken or the egg" thing and forget to listen to the music. And that would be a darn shame.
For sheer beauty, turn to "Andrea Bocelli: Under the Desert Sky," recorded live at a floating concert venue near Las Vegas. He duets with the amazing Heather Headley on "The Prayer" and on his own, he makes magic with the old Perry Como favorite, "It's Impossible" ("Somos Novios").
Nelson DeMille brings back former New York City police detective John Corey for a fourth outing in "Wild Fire." This time around, Corey and his wife (an FBI agent) are trying to get to the bottom of a plot to nuke two U.S. cities with dirty bombs.
Speaking of returning characters, fans of Lt. Eve Dallas will be delighted to know that she is back in "Born in Death" by J.D. Robb, one of the pen names used by author Nora Roberts. The twist with the Dallas books is that they are set in the future; this new one takes place in 2060.
"Rachael Ray 2, 4, 6, 8: Great Meals for Couples or Crowds" is a surefire best-seller from the perky TV personality with the dirty laugh who has a knack for relating to her audience with her spark and with her recipes. Food is only the half of it with Ray; she is mainly interested in mealtime as an interlude of connection with friends and family.
And you may object to the continuation of the "Godfather" saga even after the death of creator Mario Puzo, but Mark Winegardner really doesn't do such a bad job. In "The Godfather's Revenge," though, the plot centers around a conspiracy to assassinate a young president that might veer a little too close to fact.
Opening on Broadway on Wednesday, Nov. 8, is yet another incarnation of "Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas." That's right. It's a musical.
Speaking of incarnations, "Les Miserables," the epic Alain Boublil and Claude-Michel Schönberg musical by Andrew Lloyd Webber, is back on Broadway, opening Thursday, Nov. 9, for a limited six-month engagement.
It was just a nighttime soap opera with a group of young people living in the same apartment building, but it became an obsession for plenty of TV fans. Now comes the release of "Melrose Place — The Complete First Season", and you can even get it in a boxed set with "Beverly Hills, 90210 — The Complete First Season," the series from whence it spun.
But the true mother lode is for fans of Alan Alda. For a list price of about $200, you can finally buy "MASH — Martinis and Medicine Complete Collection," and this is nothing less than all 11 seasons, plus the original 1970 film, two all-new bonus discs and a retrospective book created exclusively for this release.
You can catch Alda also in the latter episodes of "The West Wing — The Complete Series Collection," priced at about $300, but again: it's the whole enchilada, plus extras. That's 154 episodes on 45 discs, kids — enough to make any "Winger" desperate for a serious blizzard.