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The Powerful Mate Syndrome Quiz

This quiz was written by Angela Wilder, from her book "Powerful Mate Syndrome: Reclaiming Your Strength and Purpose When Your Partner is the Star of the Relationship."

Assign one point for each statement that resonates with you.
Assign a zero for each statement that does not resonate with you.
Refer to the scale at the end of the quiz.

To what degree do these statements resonate with you?

1. It isn't important for me to have my own source of income if my husband earns a good living.

2. I often feel like an appendage of my mate rather than my own person.

3. I am willing to sacrifice myself if it is necessary to keep my family and home intact.

4. I am a different person when I am around my mate than when I'm not.

5. I have not lived up to my potential in many areas of my life.

6. It is important to me not to overshadow my mate's accomplishments.

7. My mate's public image is more important to me than my self image.

8. I felt as though I had more influence over the direction my life took before I got married.

9. I will not pursue my goals unless I have my mate's blessing.

10. I don't feel entitled to work because my mate's income has made us financially secure.

11. I often wonder what happened to the person I used to be.

12. I would rather be in an 'emotionally bankrupt' relationship with my powerful mate than risk being alone.

13. I have done things that are immoral or illegal in order to protect my mate's image.

14. I am a 'silent partner' in my relationship.

15. I care about what my friends would think if I decided to end my marriage.

16. My mate is man enough to satisfy my every need.

17. It is difficult to be with my mate without taking a drink or using some type of drugs.

18. Sex is the currency I use to get what I want from my mate.

19. Without my mate, I would be nobody.

20. I am not worthy of having everything I want in my life because I already have so much.

21. I married a powerful mate because of the status and wealth that go along with the marriage.

22. I am unable to effectively communicate my needs to my mate.

23. Having my mate's approval is of the utmost importance to me.

24. I don't like the person I have become.

25. My life is full of material things and other outward signs of success but I feel like something is missing.

26. I don't share my vulnerabilities with my mate because I don't want to appear to be dependent.

27. I know how to take care of everyone's needs except my own.

28. If my mate died suddenly, I would not know how to handle my financial matters.

29. As long as I look good on the outside, it doesn't matter that I feel so bad on the inside.

30. Rather than risk a disagreement, my mate and I talk about everything except our relationship.

Total Score


If your score is 20 or more points: You have either already succumbed to PMS or are at high risk for doing so. You have given the responsibility for your life to your mate. You need to reassess your goals and reconnect with yourself. Your life and relationship need major overhaul. You have much work to do, but it can certainly be done.

If your score is 19 to 11 points: You have a strong propensity to succumb to PMS but you haven't fallen into the abyss yet. Your sense of self worth and identity could be strengthened. Your relationship could use a tune up. It's time to take stock of your goals for your life and your relationship. You have some work to do.

If your score is 10 points or less: You may have a few issues but you've still got the upper hand on PMS.

Excerpted from Powerful Mate Syndrome: Reclaiming Your Strength and Purpose When Your Partner is the Star of the Relationship
Copyright 2004 by Angela Wilder Used with permission of St. Martin's Press

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