60 Minutes wasn't on last week because of the Super Bowl, so I got to go to Houston to see the game. You can see it better on television, but it's fun to be there.
All this week, I've been telling people I was at it. It makes me think I'm special. I wore my Super Bowl cap so they'd know I was there.
The only part I didn't see was the halftime show. I went out back and bought a small bag of popcorn for $3.50 because I hate the halftime show more than I hate paying $3.50 for a bag of popcorn.
I don't know who they think they're appealing to with all that caterwauling. I was sorry I missed seeing Janet Jackson with her shirt off.
I did see reruns on television later in my hotel room, and I thought the guy grabbing his crotch with his clothes on was more offensive than Janet Jackson's breast with her shirt off.
With all the filth on television and in the movies, I don't know what the uproar was all about anyway. We all know what a breast looks like.
They say children were watching but there's nothing most kids haven't seen by the time they're about 7. One of the most offensive moments involved a horse's rear end during a beer commercial. Did that really sell beer?
One guy on stage wore the American flag as a poncho.
Going into the stadium, I was frisked four times by security guards who were suspicious.
Do I look like someone who would sneak explosives into the Super Bowl? This is the suspicious stuff I had in my pocket - a little radio that also gets TV audio, binoculars, a cell phone, my camera and a Hershey bar. Maybe the nuts set off the alarm.
I finally got inside, and even before the game started, they were setting off fireworks. At halftime, the explosives looked like World War II. If there had been a terrorist attack, no one would have noticed because people would have thought it was part of the show.
When the second half started, the fans could hardly see the field because of the smoke. For the players, it must have been like smoking a carton of cigarettes.
Show business has no place at the Super Bowl. Football's a good game because it's real. We don't even know for sure whether what we saw of Janet Jackson was really hers.
Written By Andy Rooney