Rooney: The Undecideds

The following is a weekly 60 Minutes commentary by correspondent Andy Rooney.

Millions of us have watched the presidential candidates twice and the vice presidential candidates once. If people like them so much, I don't see why they stop there, though.

We ought to have a first lady debate between the wives, Laura Bush and Teresa Heinz-Kerry. It would be fun to see them drop their smiles and go at each other. They might be more interesting than their husbands were. They may even be smarter, and we'd find out if these potential first ladies are really ladies or not.

They can both talk, but can they argue?

After the wives of the presidential candidates went at it, we could have a debate between the wives of the vice presidential candidates, Lynne Cheney and Elizabeth Edwards.

We don't know them as well.

The candidates' children have been active campaigning. We could have the kids argue with each other about their dads.

In the debates they've had, the candidates have been trying to win over the undecided vote. According to the polls, at least five million Americans can't decide yet who they're going to vote for. I suspect these so-called "undecideds" really have decided. They just don't want to tell anyone.

I wish I was an undecided because they're the ones getting all the attention from President Bush and Sen. Kerry. Neither one of them pays any attention to decided people like me. We're decidedly decided and they know it.

We "decideds" are so absolutely certain who we're going to vote for, or who we're going to vote against, that nothing the candidates say is ever going to change our little minds. Our man could say he was going to declare war on Switzerland, or raise taxes on the homeless, and we'd still vote for him.

I'm not only decided, I think that people who can't decide which one of these two ought to be president even before they watched the debates, aren't undecided. They're stupid.

I think you'll all agree with me on that.
Written By Andy Rooney