They give you a seat cushion every year, and I can tell how many games I've been to by the number of cushions I have.
I had a hotel room in Jacksonville with a great view, right on the St. John's River.
This ship was rented by FOX. I didn't know FOX had that much money.
The hotel lobby was a zoo. It's where the hustlers hang out. I don't know who they all were, but I kept my hand on my wallet.
There are guys everywhere offering to buy tickets. A ticket cost $500 this year, but on the street, they were offering $2,500.
None of these people looked as though they had a dime, but I said that to one of them, and he pulled out a wad of hundred-dollar bills. I guess they work for scalpers who do have money.
There were a lot of press conferences. I wanted to ask Bill Bellichick why he's called "Belli check" when his name is spelled "Belli chick," but I didn't ask that.
Every night they had fireworks that I could watch from my room. Best fireworks I ever saw. I kept wondering how much they cost.
The next best thing to the fireworks was the food. There were hundreds of parties with more food than you can eat. I kept wondering how much the food costs.
Everything at the game was piercingly loud. I don't know any real football fans who like this much noise. Not me, certainly.
The field is a mile away, if you were up where I was. Half the time, someone's standing up in front of you, anyway.
I watched most of it on the big screen they have. I could have done that at home without the Budweiser commercial.
I'm not a fan of halftime shows either. I could hear it but I couldn't see it. Last year in Houston, Janet Jackson was so far away I couldn't tell her left breast from a penalty flag.
Last Sunday, it was Paul McCartney. He's down there somewhere. A Beatle in a haystack.
No one is allowed to smoke in the stadium, but look at this.
Next year, the game's in Detroit. I think what I'll do is I'll get a hotel room and a ticket to the game. I'll fly to Detroit, eat, drink and watch the fireworks, and then, just before the game, I'll sell my ticket for $2,500 and go up to my room and watch it on television -- with the sound off.
Written By Andy Rooney