MySpace? It's Public Space, Dude
This column was written by CBSNews.com's Sean Alfano.
Teens beware: your parents are smarter than you think.
While online communities such as MySpace.com teem with profiles of teenagers, who converse easily and freely about the gossip that engulfs their daily lives, the talk in no way takes place in a parent-free zone.
That's right, kids. Your folks are on to you.
"Please don't reveal this, but I also know my son's MySpace password and will from time to time sign-in as him and monitor a bit deeper," one mother of a teenage son wrote me.
Shocked?
You shouldn't be. Judging from the responses I received via telephone and e-mail interviews, parents with MySpace profiles of their own, actively patrol their children's pages, often secretively.
Sure, the aforementioned mom knew it was "deceptive" to sneak into her son's online world and peruse his cyber identity, but not doing so is too much of a risk in her estimation.Want to comment on this story? Want to see what other readers think?Click here.
"With all the perversions going on via MySpace, a parent sometimes has to step over the privacy line on behalf of her child," this mother said.
Of course, I must admit, I thought parents ignorant when it came to the online activities of today's youth. I envisioned a befuddled mom and dad too tired and too confused to actively scour all the nooks and crannies their children visit while on MySpace or Facebook.com.
But that all changed when I set up my own profile.
In less than 10 minutes, I made a very basic profile, giving my name, age, marital status and my location.
For good measure, I slapped a properly nice picture of me, wearing an innocent gray sweater vest and tie, capped with a trustworthy grin.
Take a guided tour of the author's MySpace profile
Or so I thought.
After posting bulletins to MySpace groups asking if any teens or parents would be interested in speaking with a CBSNews.com reporter, a barrage of suspicious moms pelted my inbox with queries.
"I could talk to you, but I really can't be sure that you are whom (sic) you say you are," one mom, with the aptly titled screen name Mama Kitty, said.
"Is there a phone number for CBS or person that I could contact to verify your employment with CBS? If you check out, I would be willing to speak with you," a mom who later identified herself as Betsy, wrote.
The uneasiness continued.
"That probably is a picture of Sean Alfano, but you could have gotten that anywhere," Mama Kitty added. Was she serious? I mean, who would question a photo that one co-worker deemed "lame."
Once I fired off all the relevant information, which amounted to a list of previous employers and my work phone number, most of the parents agreed to talk.
My main question: Do you see your child's MySpace profile as a healthy expression of creativity or a source for discomfort?
Of all the responses, it was the first one that stood out.
At the conclusion of a lengthy e-mail, a mother named Paula, who used the screen name Driven to Insanity, wrote, "I call MySpace a mixed blessing."
Paula said that her teenage daughter has used her page, "to express a lot of emotional issues." Paula added of her daughter, "She was probably able to say things there that she couldn't say out loud until some of it was diluted by saying it in type first."
On the downside, "It is hard to keep track of who your teen sees in the real world of their own school and town but now we have to learn about friends they are chatting with across the country," Paula said.
For Catherine W. Lemay-Phillips (Mama Kitty), as long as what she sees on her two teenagers' pages is not dangerous, "I let them be." She sees MySpace as an opportunity for her daughter, Amanda, 14, and son, Matt, 15, to learn the responsibilities attached to speaking your mind.
"You're very public with whatever you put on there," Lemay-Phillips, from Richmond, Va., said of MySpace.
Matt said he appreciated his mom checking on him to make sure he does nothing stupid, but would not tolerate anyone trying to censor his page, that contained a fair amount of R-rated, but harmless banter between friends as well as some introspective poetry.
MySpace says it has more than 70 million users, with an estimated 15 million between ages 14-18, according to CBS News technology analyst Larry Magid
"I greatly value my freedom of speech," said Matt, who turns 16 at the end of June. "The way I see it is, if you go on there, and you don't like something, that's your choice to be there. That's not your problem."
Click here for statistics about teens and their online habits compiled by the Pew Internet & American Life Project(.pdf)
The way Gretchen Taylor (G-Mom) sees it, participating in what teens do online may be unnerving at times, but necessary nonetheless.
"I'd rather try to infiltrate in a positive way than remove myself and be ignorant about it," Taylor said.
Yet parents on MySpace aren't there solely as amateur private eyes.
In addition to using MySpace for sending their children notes of encouragement and reminders of appointments, Mama Kitty and G-Mom also stay in touch with friends or discuss issues of all kinds in group forums. They have created their own profiles on MySpace.
Unlike me, they actually spent time and effort piecing together their profiles, complete with fancy wallpapers, audio clips and zingy quotes.
Nearly a month passed and my profile was still painfully bland. Though a writer by trade, the blogging area MySpace provides each user was empty on my profile. Never in my life have I encountered a more severe case of writer's block.
And on the friend front, just four people "friended me." Can't blame them. Being my friend would only get you access to a whole lot of white space.
Mercifully, there is Tom, who automatically is everyone's first friend once you sign up for MySpace. I also have the pleasure of being friends with two obscure bands, whose music bores me, but at least they invite me to their shows.
Fortunately, Matt — Mama Kitty's son — tossed me a friend request I gladly accepted. (Still debating whether I should OK a possible friendship with someone named the Lusty Princess. I wonder what she wants.)
In any case, Matt made me feel a whole lot better about my lack of popularity. Worrying about the number of MySpace friends I have is for losers, he said. (Easy for him to say, he has 54.)
But any confidence I had was quickly dampened by the end of a conversation with G-Mom. Asked to critique my page, the kindly music teacher and wife of a Methodist pastor from small-town Illinois set me straight.
"C'mon," she said sharply, "you need to get with the program."