Lena Dunham says she is coming to terms with her permanent infertility. The "Girls" creator and star wrote a personal essay for Vogue about her decision to undergo a hysterectomy late last year.
Dunham has been open with fans for years that she was suffering from endometriosis-related pain. The 31-year-old said she decided to have surgery to completely remove her uterus and cervix because of other complications as well.
"In addition to endometrial disease, an odd hump-like protrusion and a septum running down the middle, I have retrograde bleeding, a.k.a. my period running in reverse so that my stomach is full of blood," she wrote. "My ovary has settled in on the muscles around the sacral nerves in my back that allow us to walk. Let's please not even talk about my uterine lining. The only beautiful detail is that the organ—which is meant to be shaped like a light bulb—was shaped like a heart."
She also said that her struggle with endometriosis created distance from her ex-boyfriend. Dunham and Jack Antonoff broke up in January after five years of dating. Dunham revealed that she has had nine surgeries because of her endometriosis.
The writer said she is still looking forward to being a mother.
"I may have felt choiceless before, but I know I have choices now," she wrote. "Soon I'll start exploring whether my ovaries, which remain someplace inside me in that vast cavern of organs and scar tissue, have eggs. Adoption is a thrilling truth I'll pursue with all my might."
She admits, "I wanted to know what nine months of complete togetherness could feel like. I was meant for the job, but I didn't pass the interview. And that's OK. It really is. I might not believe it now, but I will soon enough. And all that will be left is my story and my scars, which are already faded enough that they're hard to find."
Last April, Dunham thought she was endometriosis-free after a surgery, but she was rushed to the hospital just a month later after the pain returned.