Kids across America are picking up their pitchforks for minor lockdown grievances
She seems harmless enough but 9-year-old Daphne Garnier is part of a growing resistance in America. Lately, she's been ticketing her parents for things like "not trying to work it out," "not listening to me" and "adding corn to the chili."
"I didn't want corn in my chili and she added it!" Daphne said.
It seems like maybe she's got a little shorter fuse.
"I know that. I'm trying to work on it," Daphne said.
How's her quarantine going?
"Not very good," she admitted.
Cute, right? No. Did King George think it was cute when his little brats spilled tea in the harbor? And that's why this concerns me — across the country kids are picking up their pitchforks for the tiniest grievances.
There was peace in the land. What happened?
"We went for a walk and it was too long of a walk, apparently," said another father Farhad Manjoo.
Farhad says that triggered a written demand from his two children for more power and later bedtimes.
It says here "If you do not sign, we will declare war on the parents." And there's no signature. So I assume war is happening
"Yeah, war broke out that day," Farhad said. "My kids took my wife prisoner, which basically meant she got to nap in my son's room, but they left the lights on."
Left the lights on?! Alert the Hague!
And then there's 10-year-old Jackson Fine who issued a travel ban to his parents.
You've banned all entry to your room because of coronavirus?
"Because of coronavirus and the revolution," Jackson said.
Jackson now considers himself a separate state with his own national anthem, which he appropriated from the country of Tajikistan. He plays it on a constant loop as torture for his dictator parents.
"They just don't seem to understand what a democratic government is," Jackson said.
Can I talk to the enemy?
"Yeah, you're going to regret it," Jackson said.
This is his father, King Mike. How did it get this far?
"Unfortunately, his unit on the American Revolution came right before," Mike said.
And Mike says he's been drafting manifestos ever since.
It says here, "They forced me to make unfair agreements that I don't have any say in." Isn't that just being a kid?
"Yeah, but it doesn't feel like being a kid, it feels like life," Jackson said.
It is life.
"Well, then I'm in for a rough ride," Jackson said. He is in for a rough ride.
Parents in America have never been more inept. Children in America never more fed up. So after you sew your mask, you may want to save a little fabric — for your white flag.
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