How To Look For Love Online
Remember the first time you heard about people meeting online? Maybe you thought "that's weird" or "wow, times must be really tough." But today, online dating is socially acceptable and totally mainstream.
As a matter of fact, 26 million people visit dating sites each month. It's predicted that consumers will spend over $500 million on online dating services this year.
So in day two of the "Looking for Love" series, The Early Show turns to AOL's Consumer Adviser Regina Lewis for tips on finding love online.
Lewis says that for many singles, heading online is actually the preferred method of hooking up with potential dates because it offers them more control over their dating lives.
"First, they don't feel like, 'Woe is me, I guess it'll happen when it happens,'" Lewis explains. "Second, they have more control over the screening process. You hold the cards. If you think you're getting along well with someone, great. If you're not, you move on. At the risk of sounding businesslike, it can be a lot more productive. That has inherent appeal for a lot of people with busy lives."
But how many are actually finding love?
Lewis says about half of the people who date online claim to be "serious daters" who are hoping to find a long-term relationship or even a spouse. The other half, are "casual daters," who simply want to meet more people and have a good time.
While there's no unbiased, official data detailing relationships forged online, Match.com, the largest dating site, claims that about 200,000 users a year find the relationship they are looking for. Eharmony, another big player in the dating game, reports that so far 4,000 couples have married after meeting on their site.
Here are the newest trends in online dating:
Lewis says perhaps most surprising is the growing number of people over 55 who are giving online dating a try. That's right, older Americans are the fastest-growing group looking for love on the Internet. Industry analysts say that about 18 percent of those dating online now are over 55.
The other big trend is the growing number of "niche" dating sites. We're all familiar with the big names - Match.com, Eharmony, Love @AOL - but there are now sites for single Democrats and Republicans, single Jews and Muslims, single bike riders, single pet lovers. You name it, there's probably a site for it.
With so many sites out there, Lewis offers the following tips on how to get started:
Check Out a Mainstream Site - Larger sites are well-established and have a larger pool of members which ups your chance for meeting a mate. Match.com has the most members. Eharmony is billed as catering to "serious daters" because it has a very comprehensive questionnaire designed to get a good feel for potential users.
Screen Posted Profiles - If you're not sure which large site to choose, most sites will give you a "trial period" and allow you to screen profiles of other online daters. Compare the profiles and see which site has more of the kinds of people you'd most like to meet. You want to go where you think you'll feel most comfortable.
Join a Niche Site - Once you're comfortable with the online dating world, go ahead and join a site that's tailored to your specific interests and personality. Most serious daters wind up joining a couple of sites - a large, mainstream dating service and a smaller, tailored one. Chances are you'll find the most success this way.
Note: It will cost you to join most online dating services. Prices run anywhere from $10 to $50 a month. Generally, the longer you participate in the site, the less you'll pay.
Of course, to really find a successful relationship online there are some "dos" and "don'ts" to follow. Here are Lewis' suggestions:
DO Use a Great Photo - While you don't have to be a model, pictures really, really matter. Personals with photos are 10 times more likely to be considered. Use something current, and don't have anyone else in the shot with you. If you're truly serious about finding love online, it may even be worthwhile to consider a photo shoot.
DO Be Specific - In your profile, don't say, "Like sports." Instead, say: "Enjoy fly fishing and skiing." This does more than make you stand out. On most sites, users can do searches based on key words. The more specific you are, the more likely you are to come up at the top of search results driven by relevancy.
DO Adjust Your Profile - Face it, your profile is like a marketing campaign. Take a look at what's working for you and what's not. Shop the competition, see what attracts you, and steal some tricks of the trade. You should always be changing and updating your online profile.
Believe it or not, you can even hire a specialist to help you hone your profile. There are plenty of businesses out there designed to make your profile shine. They charge anywhere from $30 to $300.
DON'T Seem Desperate - Recognize that seeming over-eager, i.e. E-mailing several times a day or instant messaging on the hour, will make it appear that you're ready to pick out wedding china and may scare off someone who's not ready to take the plunge. Don't lose out on a good thing by making this mistake.
DON'T Lie - If you truly want to find your soul mate online, lying will catch up with you sooner or later. Of course, you need to be aware that other people may be lying to you. Look for clues. Are they from Michigan, but pictured surfing? Are they a senior executive at 28? Sometimes the more clues you have, the more it doesn't add up.
DON'T Move Too Fast - Relationships that start online tend to move quickly, but moving too quickly can be bad news. The usual sequence is to exchange online communication anonymously, then talk by phone, then agree to meet in a public place - an important safety tip.
Sites like eHarmony have even more sub-stages in place to help guard against fastracking the relationship. If someone is worth the wait, they'll be there at the end of the sequence. You don't want to set yourself up, believing that "THIS is your dream guy or girl" too early in the process, only to find they've elected to not write you back.
Finally, here are Lewis' words of advice for those who are frustrated with the online dating process:
"The people I talk to who seem happiest with the process view it all as upside," she says, "They're happy to go on three or four dates a week (and that's not an unusual run rate for people who put a lot of focus into this and have flexible schedules), even if many of them turn out to be not-so hot. They look at it as at least I'm getting out there. Others do get burnt by the process and often make comments like, 'If I go on one more bad date, I am going to scream, and this is taking up tons of time and getting me nowhere.'" Then again, when you remind them, sitting at home also gets them nowhere, they tend to come around and concede, 'I guess you're right.'"