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Harriet's Answers

The Senate Judiciary Committee has said that Harriet Miers' answers to their questionnaire were "incomplete, "unsatisfactory," "elliptical," and just plain "incorrect." Through a leak from a source I can't name, I received a copy of what is purported to be her questionnaire. I will never reveal this source unless I'm threatened with jail or if anyone yells at me. I don't know if this document is really legitimate, but I feel it's my duty to share it with you. Perhaps you, the public, should decide if it's truly a copy of the actual questionnaire.

NAME:    Harriet                       

Q: Considering your relationship with the President, under what circumstances would you recuse yourself from cases involving the Administration?

A: Don't mean to be picky, but I think you made a spelling mistake. There's no such word as "recuse." You obviously meant, "accuse."

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Q: As a woman on the Court, would you feel a special responsibility to deal with women's issues, or do you feel that it would be your duty to concentrate equally on issues that affect everyone?

A: That is an excellent question — the kind of question I like to roll up my sleeves and take a bite out of. I am both a person and a woman, and while I do feel a certain kinship to others of my gender, I also feel I'm part of the great human family. I also consider myself a "lady," and I don't really think it would be ladylike of me to go into any more details about this issue.

Q: What are your feelings about the separation of Church and State?

A: I have always felt that government should stay out of religion.

Q: At what age were you admitted to the bar?

A: 21, but I'm not much of a drinker.

Q: Even though it's not specifically stated in the Constitution, do you think it guarantees everyone the "right of privacy?"

A: I'd love to answer that question, but to do so would invade my privacy.

Q: Without violating attorney-client privileges, was there anything that you learned from President Bush that would make it inappropriate for you to be a justice?

A: President Bush is the smartest and coolest man I've ever met.

Q: Because of your lack of judicial experience, we'd like to know, is there any judge whom you admire and whom you might model yourself after?

A: I like Judge Judy.

Q: In what way do you think you would positively contribute to the makeup of the Supreme Court?

A: I look good in black. But not as good as Laura, of course.

Q: Are there any words of wisdom that inspire you?

A: "Don't Mess With Texas."

Q: What quality would you bring to the bench that other judges might lack?

A: Well, I'm very nonjudgmental.

Q: Since Roe vs. Wade was decided by the Supreme Court, would you say that issue has been dealt with and therefore should remain the law of the land?

A: Another typo or spelling mistake. It's Karl Rove, not Roe.

Q: Would you call yourself a "strict constructionist?"

A: No, I'm an Evangelical.

Q: Are there things you still want to accomplish in your life that serving on the Supreme Court might prevent you from doing?

A: I'll just do them after I finish on the Supreme Court. It's not like it's for life.

Lloyd Garver writes a weekly column for He has written for many television shows, ranging from "Sesame Street" to "Family Ties" to "Frasier." He has also read many books, some of them in hardcover.

By Lloyd Garver
By Lloyd Garver

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