This is one straight from the headlines of the Onion. Rep. Steve King (R-Iowa) has introduced a resolution (H.Res. 847) saying, and I am not making this up, that Christmas and Christians are important. The House is scheduled to vote on this groundbreaking resolution on Tuesday.
As someone with a Christian background, I can safely say this may be the silliest resolution ever introduced by, or voted upon, by Congress, although I am a little curious to see if anyone will vote against it.
Do we really need Congress to say Christmas and the Christian faith are important? Isn't that pretty self evident by now? Don't Christians already pretty much run everything in this country, except for the mainstream media, which is of course controlled by a Jewish-Illuminati-Bill Gates cabal? Don't we already get Dec. 25 off? Wasn't I forced to shell out $65 for a scrawny Christmas tree this weekend? Won't I have to go to Pentagon City or some other godforsaken place and spend more money in the next couple weeks as part of this strange ritual? What about the terrible songs that get endlessly recycled year after stinking year? And the useless catalogs that clog my mailbox, despite my efforts to get off mailing lists? Where will the horror end?
So, in the war on Christmas, I must declare myself a warrior for the anti-Xmas side. Bill O'Reilly, please take note. You too, Mr. King.
Here's the text of H.Res. 847, just so you know how important Christianity and Xmas are:
"Recognizing the importance of Christmas and the Christian faith.
Whereas Christmas, a holiday of great significance to Americans and many other cultures and nationalities, is celebrated annually by Christians throughout the United States and the world;
Whereas there are approximately 225,000,000 Christians in the United States, making Christianity the religion of over three-fourths of the American population;
Whereas there are approximately 2,000,000,000 Christians throughout the world, making Christianity the largest religion in the world and the religion of about one-third of the world population;
Whereas Christians identify themselves as those who believe in the salvation from sin offered to them through the sacrifice of their savior, Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and who, out of gratitude for the gift of salvation, commit themselves to living their lives in accordance with the teachings of the Holy Bible;
Whereas Christians and Christianity have contributed greatly to the development of western civilization;