Coming Out As A Metrosexual

Greetings America.

I am speaking to you today as a full-blooded Englishman, reared on the roast beef of old England and the best of British beer – robust, virile, stout-hearted, straight. Oh, yes, I'm a married man and father of three – but I am also, of course, up to the minute, in every sense, with my finger on the very pulse of contemporary culture. And that's why I have been getting in touch with my feminine side.

And a new wide-ranging survey reveals that I'm not alone. It appears that the majority of British males see themselves as a new kind of man – not so much heterosexual as metrosexual. Probably the most famous man in our land is the soccer player David Beckham and he is now the role model for the new Briton – the guy who cares about his hair, who moisturizes his skin, who's fashion-conscious, soft-spoken and caring. These days, according to the survey, only one per cent of British men would describe themselves as studs and ninety per cent say they'd rather be considered mature than macho.

A generation ago, men in Britain took it for granted that they had the best jobs and the most money. Now all but a handful accept equality in the workplace and say they'd be happy to work for a female boss. British men are in the kitchen these days – and not just getting in the way. They're cooking the home-made pasta. Once all sports jocks were guys: now, on British TV, the sports reports are presented more often by women than by men.

I've been moving in this direction myself for some time – taking part in a training program devised by my wife. She has explained to me that if I really want to be more like a woman I've got to talk a lot less and listen a lot more. I've also got to learn not to interrupt and to think a problem through before announcing the solution. I'm trying and I think it's working.

When I've finished the course, my wife promises that I will be able to do two things at once, which will be great – but, the downside, of course, is that I won't be able to park the car.

You can't have everything.

By Gyles Brandreth