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Column: CNN's Hologram Most Exciting Aspect Of Election

This story was written by , Daily Collegian


It's only been a little over a week since Election Day, but I'm already over it.

Barack Obama may have won the presidency with a staggering 364-173 margin in the Electoral College, but I'm not that impressed.

Close Senate races, recounts, first black president, yada, yada, yada. Call me when something interesting happens.

To me, there was only one development last Tuesday that all Americans can truly support in the coming years, and it's not hope or change. The real story was CNN's use of holograms.

I was so excited about entering this brave new world in which holograms could become a part of our everyday lives. That is, until a fellow columnist ruined all my fun.

I opened the Daily Collegian yesterday and read Leslie Small's small-minded (get it?) opinion about the new technology in her column, "CNN's 'hologram' was a misleading trick" (Nov. 11). Needless to say, I was crushed. What could possibly be bad about this? Our lives could be like sci-fi movies.

Ms. Small, ever the elitist, tried to defend her position with fancy schmancy facts and figures and a heavy dose of logic and reasoning. Sure, CNN could have spent the money on another correspondent or different technology that would produce better "journalism," but that would deprive the world of the unparalleled awesomeness of holograms.

In a perfect world, more television networks would adopt CNN's strategy. Watching the nightly news would be like hologramarama. (Hologram-arama? Hologram-rama? The spelling doesn't matter. The point is there would be a ton of this crap.)

Last Tuesday, when CNN beamed in rapper Will.i.am to be interviewed by Anderson Cooper, it was setting the stage for the future of journalism. Mr. Cooper and Mr. i.am may not have realized it at the time, but in 10 years, all reporting will be done this way.

No traveling necessary, just a heavy dose of holograms. It will actually save fossil fuels. Now that's some forward thinking.

Could this same result be achieved by regular video cameras? Sure it could. But video is old hat. Until R2-D2 is beaming a 'gram of Osama bin Laden into the Fox newsroom for an historic one-on-one with Bill O'Reilly, I don't think we've truly evolved as a society.

With any luck, we'll start using holograms for more than just newscasts. I can't tell you how many times I've woken up in the morning and not wanted to leave my apartment to go to class.

With hologram lectures, I wouldn't have to. I could just sit on the couch while a hologram professor lays down some knowledge in my living room.

If you get invited to two parties on a Friday night and feel bad about having to blow one of them off, just beam yourself in for a quick hello. This technology could save friendships.

It would be nave of me to think that things would be all good, though. There are some drawbacks.

Right now, I'm about 200 miles away from home, safely out of mom nagging range. However, with my new hologram proliferation proposal, I would never be safe. If holo-mom dropped by for a quick holo-visit, she would see that my floor's a mess, my bed isn't made and I'm not eating my vegetables like I should.

Then I'd be in for a stern holo-talking to.

On second thought, maybe the world isn't ready for holograms yet. But I'd like to think we can make it work.

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