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Cats, porcupines, mosquitoes, all mentioned in judge's colorful order

American Bar Association Journal cover, August, 2011

(CBS/AP) LEXINGTON, Ky. - Legal rulings, if you haven't noticed, don't usually make for light summer reading at the beach.

But then there is the humorous order issued by a Kentucky judge which is making the rounds in legal publications such as the American Bar Association Journal.

Step aside, Shakespeare.

Kenton Circuit Judge Martin Sheehan said in an order issued last month that he was "happier than a tick on a fat dog" that a settlement had been reached in a lawsuit over a contract dispute, according to the Lexington Herald-Leader.

In the order canceling the trial, which had been set for July 13, Sheehan wrote the court is "busier than a one-legged cat in a sand box and, quite frankly, would rather have jumped naked off of a twelve foot step ladder into a five gallon bucket of porcupines than have presided over a two week trial of the herein dispute, a trial which, no doubt, would have made the jury more confused than a hungry baby in a topless bar and made the parties and their attorneys madder than mosquitoes in a mannequin factory."

The newspaper said Sheehan and attorneys in the case either declined to comment about the order or did not return calls.

Clearly the judge made a mistake when he chose law school over that creative writing course.