ATG: Oafish Males Mail
It was kind of hard to find readers defending Madison Avenue's portrayals of men as sexist, burping pigs, but nonetheless, ATG readers had interesting reactions to my latest column.
Another good column. The oafishness portrayed in the media extends also to Dad. The bumbling, helpless idiot who is sick in bed and in need of constant nursing and fussing, and who can't control his family's cell phone usage, and who is consistently falling off roofs or otherwise screwing up some type of home chore. These people are heroes, the guys who stay home with their families and make sacrifices of themselves and do the dirty work of household maintenance; and in spite of that we get lambasted.
Joe Pinto
I'm a bit older than the young men you were referring to in your article on "Boys Will Be … Oafs". I thoroughly enjoyed the article and I have to agree 100 percent. Thank God I don't have a teenage son still living in the house. I can't stand the clothes they wear these days...baggy pants, side-ways baseball hats, etc. It is so disrespectful of themselves as well as others. You also hit the nail on the head about most school systems not addressing the problem. Sometimes I think I would gladly vote for a dress code or uniforms for high schoolers.
But as you say, because of all the poor role models out there in sports and entertainment, nothing is going to change just because a few parents, and even schools, try. I just hope they grow out of it when they get out in the real world...but I doubt it. Hopefully by that time I'll be long retired and wearing my own baggy pants.
Thanks again for expressing the view of the silent majority.
Gary Jackson
What a well-written article. My wife and I sometimes feel as if we're too strict with the language, dress, and behavior that we expect from our boys, but this article affirms our choices. We do not want to raise disrespectful oafs, but productive, well-spoken, and intelligent men. I appreciate reading that I may not be alone in this goal. I often shake my head in disbelief at how low the bar is currently set for our youth.
Ryan
I am not a fan of the so-called Thug Code, but to think it runs contrary to the Elite, rather than parallel is very naive. In fact, the Thug Code is at least honest and open about its values, unlike the so-called elite.
The Thug Code may be responsible for some violence, but it is the violence of the upper crust and elite that has committed genocide in an attempt to civilize those the elite deemed "savages".
A gentlemanly code is one that treats women differently in an attempt to woo them. To use manners as a symbol of well breeding and wealth. The goals of the Thug Code are the same, do what I can to get mine. They are just more honest about it.
While the elite is upset about misogyny or stereotypes in a lyric, the elite has practiced institutionalized misogyny and discrimination for years.
Speak against the Thug Code if you will, but spare us the comparison to the good old days when the elites ruled.
Ami Sharma
I read your column "Boys will be...Oafs" with great interest. I too have noticed that in the last five years or so, most of the radio and TV commercials have made men to look stupid and childish. But not all men. Mostly "white men" in these commercials seem to earn the honor of being buffoonish while the wife, children or girlfriend looks on with bewilderment or disgust. It is part of the "cultural war" that is now going on between the elites in the arts/media/ and entertainment industry and the rest of the nation. The enemy of social justice and progress as far as those groups are concerned is the "white male". If you can successfully degrade and marginalize "masculinity" in the eyes of others, then the "progressive" political agenda that benefits woman, gays, and minorities will succeed. We are in a society that is in a cultural civil war with itself. It is not by accident that the media targets who it does. I welcome your comments.
S. Marcus
You know, Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, and similar folk were onto what you were speaking of way back in the 1970s. Not only that, they identified some of the contributing factors that you avoid like the plague: feminism, family breakdown, illegitimacy, a horrid social welfare system, and secular hedonistic/humanistic philosophy.
You sidestepped all of those things and took the easy liberal way out of basically blaming capitalism (and to a far lesser extent political correctness). It is inescapable: boys become men most often because they are raised by men, and in environments where a male figure is unavailable, they do the best that they can because society produces masculine images and standards and demand that they conform to it.
Feminist and homosexual concerns believe that the masculine institution is oppressive to women and homosexuals and must be destroyed at all costs. So they start with discouraging marriage and encouraging behavior that leads to out of wedlock motherhood (removing the masculine role models from the picture). Next they gear the educational system towards girls. Then they remove all images of masculinity from society. You already see the results: the large majority of college students are now female, who also make up the majority in our business, law, and medicine schools. Their male counterparts are increasingly either unmotivated to go to college or lack the goal oriented discipline, focus, and work ethic to prepare themselves for college or succeed in it. As a matter of fact, subtract sports from the picture (i.e. males who attend college to play sports or because they are fans of college teams) and the party factor, and male college enrollment would fall off the map.
As a result of these societal changes, even males who desire to be men swim uphill. Many are made to be ashamed of and to fear their masculinity. Many grow up being taught that males are inherently bad, flawed, even evil. (Consider your "true nature of boys" section: in generations past boys were taught that they were — or should be — virtuous by stories from the Bible and tales of being cowboys or knights.) Many who do become fathers and husbands are unable to leave behind the gambling, alcohol, partying, promiscuity, sports, video games ... or more to the point the emotional, social, and intellectual maturity that it takes to leave those things behind or not get involved with them in the first place. So instead of having a husband and father influence that helps the home, a great many men of this generation are now overgrown children (indeed actually far worse than children) who destabilize the home. Whereas in decades past even a low-income father and husband could be an asset to the home with his character, now a great many homes would actually be better off without even a great many high-income "men" who act like boys, sorely test the patience of their wives, and cause their sons (and daughters) to grow up with perverted images and expectations of manhood.
The best part is that we are actually only now in the second generation of this brave new world. Large portions of our society were either still raised in or adhere to old-fashioned ideas of masculinity and still hold positions of prominence. But not to worry, check us out in twenty years when most of the old guard will either have moved on or been marginalized and see how the boys (and men) will be acting. All I have to say is that don't say that Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell didn't warn you, and it was your own fault for not listening just because you didn't like their views on abortion and gay marriage. Folks like you bash the Christian right, but for all their faults they may be western masculinity's last stand.
Earl Mahoney
If you still want to send in an e-mail, you'll have to read a real column to find the address.