Andy Vs. Rooney

A Great Way To Argue Both Sides Of The Debate

A weekly commentary by CBS News Correspondent Andy Rooney.
I'm envious of the Dole-Clinton/Clinton-Dole debates because between them, they can take both sides of an issue.

If I could take one side for a minute and then take the other, it would be a lot easier, for me.

Say, for example, I wanted to argue about being a Republican, or a Democrat.

ANDY: The trouble with you Democrats is you think the solution to all our problems is more government. Government IS the problem. Let me give you the titles of just three government jobs we could do without.

These are actual positions:

  • Special assistant to the assistant secretary of shipping.
  • Associate general deputy sssistant secretary.
  • Associate deputy assistant secretary of public affairs.

Democrats oppose the President's tax cut because they say it's good for the wealthiest Americans. Why are Democrats against the rich? What have poor people done for us lately? The wealthiest 5 percent pay more than 55 percent of all income taxes.

Why tax people for being successful? They ought to be encouraged, not penalized.

President George W. Bush has restored American pride and our prestige in the world by freeing Iraq of Saddam Hussein. He's a great president. We should carve his likeness on Mount Rushmore while he's still in the White House.

ROONEY: Republicans like you talk as if they want less government but every time they get elected, the bureaucracy gets bigger. They fire 10 government workers to make it look good, then they hire a consulting firm with 175 employees to do the work of the 10 government workers they fired.

You say government should let business alone. Well, it left Enron alone and look what happened. Big business pretends it doesn't like big government, but big business and big government are in business together. The government is the biggest customer big business has.

The economy is down the drain under George W. Bush, the rest of the world hates us and now that our soldiers - most of whom are Democrats - have won the war in Iraq, Bush doesn't know what to do about the peace.

Tony Blair makes him sound like a high school dropout. You Republicans would be smart if you didn't even nominate him for a second term.

ANDY ROONEY: You know one of you is a lot better than the other one at this.

Written By Andy Rooney