Andy On 'Interesting Junk'

Andy Rooney On The Stuff People Send Him

This segment was originally broadcast on Dec. 10, 2006.

The following is a weekly 60 Minutes commentary by CBS News correspondent Andy Rooney.

I don't mean to be unfriendly but, I don't know what possesses people to send me things but I get a ton of stuff in the mail. Most of it is junk but some of it is interesting junk.

I made the mistake of saying that about the only medicine I take is an occasional Tum and someone sent me a lifetime supply of Tums. I've estimated that there are about 2,200 Tums. If I take two a week, these would last me 1,100 weeks which is about 21 years.

I also got a "professional quality kazoo." I wouldn't want an amateur-quality kazoo.

I had one when I was a kid but a kazoo must be near the bottom of the list of musical instruments, below the harmonica certainly and just above the Jew's harp.

I get a lot of books from people looking for a plug. I've never plugged a book yet but that doesn't seem to discourage anyone.

A man named Bruce Bowman sent me a book he wrote called "Exposed." I guess it's a good book but he actually sent me a box with 20 copies of it. What am I supposed to do with 20 copies of a book like this that I don't want one of?

He probably chose the best-looking picture of himself for the cover - he isn't really this good-looking.

People are always painting pictures of me. If I thought I looked like most of them, I'd get into some other line of work where my face didn't show.

This was sort of a surprise: an irreligious T-shirt. Sent by an atheist I suppose. I don't know how many atheists there are in this country.

I also got a piece of gold sent to me by a man in Ft. Walton Beach, Fla. It's one ounce of 14 karat gold. I'm not sure what a karat is but whatever it is I have to send this back or I'd get fired.

I think I know what I'm going to do with all these things people have sent me. I'm going to get them all together - put them in a big box, tie a ribbon around it - and throw the box away.
Written by Andy Rooney