Andy Likes His Tools

Andy Rooney Takes A Survey Of His Office Tools

This commentary was first published on May 18, 2008.

The following is a weekly 60 Minutes commentary by CBS News correspondent Andy Rooney.

Every once in a while I get looking around my desk and thinking about the tools I use during the day. A lot of them. I don't think the average carpenter goes out in the morning with any more tools than I have right here on my desk. Mine are smaller of course.

I always have elastic bands all over the place. Elastic bands are one of the greatest tools of modern times, right up there with the hammer and the screwdriver.

Scotch tape. I don't know how we started calling this Scotch tape? No Irish tape I know of. It was invented in by a man named Richard Drew in 1930. So why don't we call it Drew tape? Scotch tape is a great minor invention though.

I have several pairs of scissors on my desk. Big ones, small ones. I don't know why they call scissors a pair.

I keep about five pencils in here. I must use them because they are pretty short. My business is writing of course, so you'd think I'd have a lot of pencils and I do but now I use soft tip pens more than pencils. I haven't sharpened a pencil in years.

A little bottle of bourbon. Anyone seeing this on my desk would think I drink all day but this bottle has been in here for years and I've never opened it.

A staple remover. One of the great inventions of modern times. Better than staples, I think.

A letter opener. I don't use it this much anymore because Susie opens all my mail before I get at it.

A mirror, I don't know why I have a mirror. I don't look at myself that often but the mirror's always right here if I want to see what I look like.

I use Kleenex for a lot of different things.

The most intrusive thing on my desk is the telephone. It's a big ugly thing and I can't do without it. I get a lot of calls I don't want; and I wish the telephone had a different sound when it was someone that you didn't want to talk to.
Written By Andy Rooney