Here in England we pride ourselves on education and training. There are qualifications to be obtained for every walk of life. Our colleges of learning are bursting at the seams with students eager to better themselves.
And even those with only the most basic manual ability can now look forward to graduation day too. Yes, don't worry if you can't understand algebra – let alone spell the word - England is determined that we shall all shine at something. Academic achievement is the order of the day.
Perhaps those seeking an entirely new career should now pay special attention. The latest examination to be introduced to this fine land involves rigorous study of the genesis and history of the industry concerned - and detailed analysis of the equipment involved.
Students are also expected to devote many hours to the mastery of communication and conflict management by using active listening techniques. They will be trained to make ethical and psychological judgements. They will attend lectures from experts and must achieve marks of seventy per cent for all written work in order to complete the course successfully.
They will even be given instruction in the correct way to wear their uniforms.
The cutting-edge jobs for which they will ultimately qualify are in a highly specialised field. The men and women who undertake this important work will not be afraid of getting their hands dirty. They may risk insult and injury too.
But now at least they know they will be world experts in every conceivable aspect of ... Vehicle Immobilisation. Yes, America, you may have invented the Denver Boot, but here in England, you're going to need a degree to fit one.
By Ed Boyle