I suggest that we get rid of this bland "Presidents' Day Observed" business, and restore the practice of honoring Lincoln on his real birthday, February 12, and Washington on his, February 22.
But, I hear you asking, what about our desperate need for a three-day weekend in February?
Okay now, calm down, because I have a solution for that, too. The other part of my proposal is to release Valentine's Day from its permanent fixture of February 14 and move it to the Monday each year nearest that date.
As I'm sure you know, the original purpose of that holiday, before it was taken over by hearts and flowers and other gestures of cheap romance, was to honor Saint Valentine, a Christian martyr who died in a Roman prison in the 3rd Century AD.
But February 14 has nothing to do with Saint Valentine's birth, or even the date of his death. It actually was the date of an old Roman holiday called "Lupercalia" that celebrated the legendary founding of the ancient city by Romulus and Remus.
Well, that has nothing to do with our American heritage, and as for the religious connection, I suspect that since Saint Valentine was a devout Christian, he had great respect for the liturgical calendar, and therefore would welcome the honor of seeing his day become a Movable Feast, like Easter and Pentecost.
So there's my proposal, and the next step is to take it up with the "holiday police" as soon as I can find out who and where they are.