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Horrible Horoscopes: Sagittarius

By Mason Johnson

Warning: If you love astrology, are offended easily, or/and have no sense of humor, this might make you gassy (and angry). Not your sign? Find more Horrible Horoscopes here.

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Sagittarius, the stars and the Moon (especially) have no moral compass. They don't care if you break the law. In fact, sometimes, if you're good at it, they encourage it.

But you're not good at it.

They suggest you stop your criminal activities, results could be dire.

For example, let's say you're an accountant working in a cubicle. You fall asleep on the job, what's the worst that could happen? Even if you get fired, you won't go to jail.

Now let's say you're committing burglary and you fall asleep on the job, what's the worst that could happen?

Jail, prison, the clink – you'll be locked up, Sagittarius. And the next time you go to sleep will probably be in the loving embrace of your cellmate. Is that really what you want?

Leave law-breaking to the professionals, Sag.

Mason Johnson knows absolutely nothing about astrology. "Sorry for the poop jokes," is going to be written on his headstone.


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