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Cure For Boredom: March's Best Events

Certificate of Awesome
I am SO proud of ME. (Credit: Me)

By Mason Johnson

I don't really want to be writing this. I'd rather be doing something else.


Right now, Thursday morning, there are no cool bands playing or comedy shows I want to see. No readings or movie premiers. There's nothing. Just me and my cubicle and my desk. The only decoration in my cubicle is a laser-printed certificate stating I passed the "Business Conduct Statement" CBS has its employees take. I'm proud of that certificate. Hence me hanging it up in my cubicle. I can't stare at that certificate -- subsisting on the warm, fuzzy pride it pours into my soul -- the whole day! I gotta do something. I've got two options: cleanup my desk, or write this article.

So here ya go! Five events I wish were happening now, but are actually happening in the future -- in March to be specific. You should go to them.

The 2003 BillBoard Music Awards - Arrival
When I looked up "Psycho" in our database, this is one of the things that came up. Is Guy Fieri in ICP? (Credit: Carlo Allegri/Getty Images)

Dark of the Male Light of the Female: Women Writing About Horrible Things VI

Uncharted Books
2630 N. Milwaukee Ave.
Chicago, Il 60647
facebook event
March 2nd

Remember the shower scene in Pscyho? Dark of the Male Light of the Female is like that, but the killer is a woman, the background music is more urgent, and the scene is far creepier. A little weird, a little dark, a bit awkward; this show is special. Surprisingly it all works together to make a fun time. Run by Meghan Lamb, whose personality fits the same characteristics as this reading, Dark of the Male Light of the Female is definitely worth checking out. Despite it's creepy oeuvre, the show provides a wide range of fiction and poetry that'll please all kinds of tastes. Plus, Uncharted Books is a great, cozy used bookstore you have to check out.

Performers for March 2nd: Kathleen Rooney, Tovah Burstein, Olivia Lilley, Tim Jones-Yelvington, Caroline Picard, Jamie Kazay, and Hillary Stone.

The Sweats

The Sweats and Basketball at The Whistler

The Whistler
2421 N Milwaukee Ave,
Chicago, IL 60647
facebook event
Hear the Sweats
March 3rd

The Sweats are fun, funky and poppy in a 60s & 70s kinda way. This is the kind of band that shines bright live, so go see 'em live at the Whistler. For those of you into fancy schmancy drinks, the Whistler serves some of the best cocktails in the city. Personally, I'm more of a drink-bourbon-straight-from-a-barrel-on-the-side-of-the-road kinda guy, but I can appreciate a good cocktail.

Chicago Zine Fest

Chicago Zine Fest

Columbia College Chicago
1104 S. Wabash Ave.
Chicago, IL 60605
facebook event
March 8th & 9th

It's free and it's hip! Do you like words? Do you like interesting people? Do you like art? Regardless, you should go to Chicago Zine Fest. It's two days of great panels from creative types and awesome people behind tables showing you the cool little zines and books they've made, often by hand. It's kind of like reading tumblr blogs, except interesting and not on the Internet. Let's be honest, you spend a little too much time on the Internet. You could use a break. Go to Chicago Zine Fest.

Shoplifting From American Apparel Chicago Film Premiere

The Logan Theatre
2646 N Milwaukee Ave,
Chicago, IL 60647
facebook event
March 14th
Buy tickets

Shoplifting From American Apparel is a docudramedy that's as boring as your life, but with better production value and talent. Based on the novella that's also as boring as your life, but with more literary talent, it's definitely worth seeing. It looks funny and weird and there's even a great reading after. Plus, The Logan Theatre is pretty awesome. For those who haven't been there in a few years, they got rid of the rats, fixed the ventilation so it doesn't smell like pee, remodeled to make it look classy and added a bar. I would have settled for just the bar, but good for them for going above and beyond.

Here's the thing: you need to buy tickets beforehand. If they don't sell enough tickets beforehand, the movie won't show. So buy tickets now if you want to go.

Check out the trailer:

by on Vimeo

Shoplifting From American Apparel - Official Trailer from Pirooz Kalayeh on Vimeo.

They Might Be Giants In Concert At The Williamsburg Waterfront
(Credit: Mike Lawrie/Getty Images)

They Might Be Giants

Vic Theatre
3145 North Sheffield Avenue
Chicago, IL 60657
Vic Theatre's Website
WXRT's event page
March 16th

You're a nerd, I'm a nerd, let's just go see They Might Be Giants already. We can sing "Birdhouse In Your Soul" together.

Have you seen their Chumbawumba cover? So great.

Wow. I feel like I should apologize for the fact that most of these events are in Logan Square. Well, I'm not. If you have cool events in other neighborhoods, mention them in the comments, and maybe I'll show up (or add them to our events section). I like cool events.

Also, for those who need more than five events to keep themselves busy, here's a list of other great events going on...

Here's the Story
facebook event
March 3rd

Write Club
facebook event
March 4th

Two Cookie Minimum
facebook event
March 5th

RUI: Reading Under the Influence "Madness"
facebook event
March 6th

NAP in Chicago
facebook event
March 9th

Seven Deadly Sins…
facebook event
March 12th

Ray's Tap Reading Series: Manners Please
facebook event
March 16th

Guts & Glory
facebook event
March 20th

Mason Johnson is a terrible human being and has a very inappropriate and boring twitter account.

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