By Mason Johnson
There's this thing I do at parties where I announce, "I bet I can eat that cupcake in one bite."
Most people like this parlor trick. Some plead with me not to, saying they don't want to have to give me the Heimlich when I choke, or that it just plain disgusts them. My mother always taught me to be the best I can be though, so I never listen to the naysayers.
So, no matter the size, regardless of the amount of frosting, I proceed to attempt to shove an entire cupcake in my mouth for the entertainment of party-goers.
The chicks really dig it. I have a 98% success rate. With the cupcakes, not the chicks.
Anyway, now that you've listened to my boring story, I guess I'll tell you five of my favorite cupcake spots in Chicago.
2536 N. Clark St.
773 883 7220
Molly's has a buttload of baked treats, not just cupcakes, so why not try some of them? Their cheesecake, for example, is good. Go ahead, eat it up. Really. Do it. Try it.
HA, I tricked you. For those of you who tried something other than one of Molly's cupcakes, get outta here. This is serious cupcake business, we don't need some floozies who try any ol' baked goods that walk by mucking up our grand cupcake scheme.
For those of you who had a cupcake, congratulations, you just had heaven in your mouth. Molly's does good by the classics, while excelling at the center-filled cupcake. There's nothing better than biting into a cupcake just to find a tasty, berry filling in the middle.
705 West Belden Avenue
Chicago, IL 60614
If you haven't been to Swirlz, you may recognize their cupcakes from your local Whole Foods (you know, the Whole Foods that employs that cute girl with tattoos who will NEVER like you, oh, and that white guy with the sweet dreads). Forget Whole Foods though (well, not really) - go get some great cupcakes from the source!
3552 North Southport Avenue
Chicago, IL 60657
Southport Grocery doesn't mess around. They offer the solid classics, and you enjoy them, and that's that. Kind of like a good, solid, traditional, marriage.
No, wait. Actually, cupcakes are nothing like that. Cupcakes are fair and wonderful and beautiful while marriage is a crumbling institution that doesn't treat every couple, regardless of sexual orientation, equally.
Cupcakes do though.
Sorry for the bad comparison, guys.
OH NO DID I JUST GET POLITICAL UP ON THIS CUPCAKE DANCE FLOOR?
Sweet Mandy B's
1208 West Webster Avenue
Chicago, IL 60614
The only thing I've tried at Sweet Mandy B's is their banana cupcake with chocolate frosting. This is because their banana cupcake is so mind shatteringly amazing, that I have no need for any other cupcake flavors--let alone food in general--ever again. Seriously.
That is all I have to say. Favorite cupcake. Ever. Mind… blown.
1 East Delaware Place
Chicago, IL 60611
More is the Andy Warhol of cupcakes. Beautifully designed, with a hip store front - this place has style.
Well, I hate pop art, and could care less about design, people.
But! The cupcakes taste wonderful. So, for the love of the cupcake Gods, go check this place out.
No list--of anything ever--is fair. So please, share some of your favorite cupcake places in the comments, especially if any of them are on the South side. Doing research for this made me feel like cupcakes are only meant for the insufferable and selfish North side – that can't be true, can it?
Mason Johnson, CBS Chicago
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