Use the Recession to Teach Your Kids Money Lessons

Trying to shield your kids from the recession may be a mistake.

Wendy Mogel, a Los Angeles-based clinical psychologist and author of The Blessing of a Skinned Knee, says parents need to share with their children what's going on in the economy. And if money is tight, Mom and Dad should ask their kids to make some financial sacrifices to help out, such as getting a job. Here are some thoughts Mogel shared with me about kids and money during a recent interview:

• Parents make the mistake of thinking their children aren't strong enough to hear about the recession. They can and will likely benefit from seeing how Mom and Dad handle it. "The kids I worry about are the ones with parents who have never had any hardships and don't learn how to see the bright side of a dark cloud," Mogel says.
• "The pendulum shifted over the last 20 years to a kind of worship of the children and their needs and desires," she says. Now parents can use the recession to break this pattern and stop indulging their children with so many material things. Parents need to determine the difference between a privilege and an entitlement. "Athletic shoes are an entitlement," she says. After all, kids need to run around. But buying $100 basketball shoes is a privilege.
• Even small indulgences, if they happen often, can be unhealthy. The father who buys his four-year- old a small toy every time he takes a business trip isn't parenting the child, but pacifying him. The child doesn't develop the skills of self-soothing and self-entertaining. "I want kids to [sometimes] experience being bored, unhappy and a sense of longing," Mogel says. It will make them better adjusted adults and help them as they go off to college.
• And remember: if getting laid off means Dad is spending more time building a relationship with his teenage daughter, that's something good that can come out of a bad situation.