Top 10 Ways To Know Your Boss Is A Crook



With the indictment of Rep. William Jefferson (D-La.) on a slew of federal corruption charges last week, The Crypt figured it was time to provide you, our readers -- most notably congressional staffers -- with a few tips to help you figure out whether your boss might be a crook. As always, all lawmakers are presumed innocent until proven otherwise.

10. He's a he. No female representative or senator has ever been to prison. Investigated, yes. Convicted or pleaded guilty, yes. Incarcerated, no.

9. He keeps asking what size your freezer is.

8. He comes from a state ending in a vowel. You have to go all the way back to Rep. Dan Rostenkowski (D-Ill.) to find a lawmaker to break this streak.

7. He's a member of the Appropriations Committee.

6. His wife or kids have jobs as "consultants" for a lobbyist. A number of recent corruption scandals have featured this angle.

5. He's got a picture with Jack Abramoff on his office wall.

4. He gives you a "New Jersey hug," patting you down while looking for a wire.

3. Whenever he sees a cop, he says, "Hold this," and hands you his briefcase.

2. He calls news conferences to proclaim his innocence and blame everything on the media or the Justice Department or both.

1. When you get home from work, you find a calling card from "Special Agent X" at the FBI.

 
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