Letters To Andy Rooney

Highlights And Low Lights From <B>Andy Rooney</B>'s Mailbag

The following is a weekly 60 Minutes commentary by correspondent Andy Rooney.
It's hard to resist feeling good about public success, but I have mixed feelings about being well known because I'm on television.

It's nice, but it's a pain in the neck, too. I know it's here today and gone tomorrow. People ask me if I'm Morey Schaeffer.

One of the things that's both good and bad is the mail I get.

Here's an old letter I've kept to read when I get thinking things are going good. It's from Col. Ralph DiLullo.

Andy Rooney: You are a vicious, malignant dwarf! Today you're an ugly little toad - A Liberal, Commie, Pinko Weasel. Go to hell.

Well, thanks, colonel. Sorry I never got to serve under you in the Marines.

Here's one addressed to me from Bill McDonald in Tacoma, Wash.

Dear Mr. Rather. I am requesting an autographed photo of yourself as I am a big fan of yours.

My question is this, Bill. Are you a big fan of mine or of Dan Rather? And if it's me, did you write Dan asking him for my autograph?

The money rolls in. Here's a check from First Clearing in Glen Allen, Va. It has a 37-cent stamp on the envelope and the check is made out to me for 22 cents.

Would you want to do business with a company that spends 37 cents to send out a check for 22 cents?

I got a nice letter from Robert Schuller of the Crystal Cathedral in California. He invited me to come out there and speak. I told him I didn't think his congregation would want to hear what I have to say about religion so he wrote another good letter.

Dear Andy, like it or not, I'm in the "giving a blessing to people" business. So here goes: "Dear God, thank you for believing in Andy Rooney - even if he doesn't believe in you."

Here's an old letter from Hugh Downs. He said he was going "to create a book" called "My America. What My Country Means To Me."

He was asking well-known people to send him their thoughts on that. I always liked Hugh Downs, but what my country means to me is this, Hugh: You write your book and I'll write mine.

Someone sent me this $2 bill to sign. I don't do autographs, so I just kept it. Is that stealing?

New York magazine wants me to fill out this form – about 100 questions. Here's one: Have you done any home improvements in the past 12 months?
Well, yes, actually I have. About a month ago, I changed the light bulb in the bathroom.

I like New York magazine, but anyone who has the time to fill this out would be too dumb to read it.

Just some of the mail I get and remember: you heard them here first from Morey Schaeffer.
By Andy Rooney

Comments

Watch CBSN Live

Watch CBS News anytime, anywhere with the new 24/7 digital news network. Stream CBSN live or on demand for FREE on your TV, computer, tablet, or smartphone.

Watch Now

New Android App

For your Android phone and tablet, download the FREE redesigned app, featuring CBSN, live 24/7 news.

Download
The all new
CBS News App for Android® for iPad® for iPhone®
Fully redesigned. Featuring CBSN, 24/7 live news. Get the App