LA Lakers Get Stapled by Celtics' Rondo and Allen
To think they could have both ended up in Detroit.
Before this season started, rumor had it that the Celtics' Rajon Rondo and Ray Allen would both be traded.
A writer at NBA Fanhouse believed that the Pistons would be just the troubling side of lunatic to even consider a trade for "a quasi-washed up shooter and Rondo."
In order to win the Championship, Celtics' President Danny Ainge supposedly needed "a sucker to unload on."
It seems he didn't find one. So perhaps, in a quiet corner of the Staples Center locker room after Game 2 of the NBA Finals, Rondo and Allen might have been caught whispering "suck on that."
Allen was muted in Game 1 not by the depth of Derek Fisher's Barney Rubble defense, but by the shrill whistles of referees desperate to signal a tune to their masters.
In Game 2, ever the aesthete, he announced himself early, took a bow and then painted the Staples Center floor with a pretty parquet pattern.
It isn't merely that Allen made a record eight three-pointers. It's that not one appeared to so much as bump a rim.
That Allen glides around the court is well known. But Fisher was but a Keystone Cop banging into large screening Celtics, as Allen found his positions, caught the ball and let it flow into the basket.
After 32 points and only 3 missed three-pointers, Allen was curiously analytical in a post-game interview on ABC.
He spoke of how the tape never lies.
He spoke of how he, at 34, had been suitably astonished that what he thought had been his (and his teammates') excellent play in Game 1 had all been so much trash talk.
"We were all out of position all the time," he said.
So he put himself in position and his team into a position in which they could, at least theoretically win the NBA Championship without ever seeing Jack Nicholson again. Live, that is.
Rondo had a triple-double. He outrebounded Lakers who are far bigger than him, but not far greater. As they stood like foremen on a building site, waiting for the ball to be winched down to them, Rondo stole in, stole the ball and made off with the game.
At least he understood just how thrilling his performance was.
"I'm the greatest player in the game right now. And it's about time the world saw it," he said.
Well, he didn't quite say that.
Eyes illuminated by the success of moving the Lakers to shaking, Rondo offered this: "I was struggling offensively the entire game."
Rajon, let's talk struggle. Paul Pierce and Kevin Garnett were a combined 4 for 16. That's struggling. Ron Artest made one field goal and missed five free throws out of eight. That's struggling. The whole Laker bench made five field goals. They were really struggling.
Rajon, you scored more points than Pierce and Garnett put together. And you threw in 12 rebounds, 10 assists, two steals and a block. All you were missing was the partridge in a pear tree.
The Lakers were truly stapled to the floor by Rondo and Allen.
Though Pau Gasol and Andrew Bynum acquitted themselves to the point that they would be acquitted of guilt, Kobe Bryant was largely neutralized by Tony Allen, an Oklahoma State product who stifled like the summer heat in Stillwater.
The flight back to Boston will be cheerful and tired.
Surely everyone will be concerned that Celtics' coach Doc Rivers, whose stress levels must exceed those of a heart doctor trying to save the life of a despotic president with a penchant for revenge, gets a very good couple of nights' sleep.
In game 3, he must be ready for anything.
This Series has no formula, just as it has no rhythm. Unless you think a TV movie that's interrupted by commercials every ten minutes has a rhythm.
Game 2, for all its more invigorating play, was still garlanded by 58 foul calls. That's four more than Game 1.
Perhaps that seems too many. But perhaps it actually gives an opportunity to offensive players to seize hold of games and autograph them.
Rajon Rondo and Ray Allen left their autographs all over Game 2. I wonder what the viewing figures were in Detroit.
Chris Matyszczyk is an award-winning creative director who advises major corporations on content creation and marketing, and an avid sports fan. He is also the author of the popular CNET blog Technically Incorrect.