Keeping The Passion Alive

Kate White, the editor-in-chief at Cosmopolitan magazine CBS/The Early Show

Can you remember the last time you really just let loose? Or do you find yourself very much like Annette Benning's character in "American Beauty"?

Kate White, the editor-in-chief at Cosmopolitan magazine, says that holding onto some single girl habits can boost your relationship with your man.

She visits The Early Show to offers some tips.

It happens to all of us: After we've been in a relationship for some time, we tend to get a little too comfortable. Think about when was the last time you got dressed up - just because?

White says you have to remember that there were great qualities about you that he fell in love with, and sometimes women shed those qualities as they settle into a relationship routine.

"We sort of relinquish our single-girl aura," says White.

Stay tuned to find the five things she believes you should bring back to your life and maintain that passion and desire in your relationship.

Here are the five things she believes you should bring back to your life and maintain that passion and desire in your relationship.

Treat him like a hottie: This may sound ridiculous, but singles girls are in the habit of ogling handsome guys. But according to pyschologist Nancy Irwin, "Once you're a two-some, however, that pure hunger can abate as you forge a stronger emotional connection."

But rather than trade in one type of pleasure ride for another, try to strike the perfect balance by reminding yourself of the gorgeous man you found yourself attracted to - even if today he's sporting more gray hair or a pot belly. You need to see your boyfriend or husband as a sexy man, not just the father of your kids, or the man who will fix your dishwasher. Showing that you have passion and desire for him can add that excitement. So every once in a while, don't have your pillow talk be about the bills or your kids, just consider him the stud you met.

Be multi-talented: It is a fact that single girls are independent, they have to be; they can't wait for someone to empty their garbage, fix the lightbulb, or call the plumber. And back when you were single, it probably felt nice to know that you could do these things, and that you didn't need a man to help you. But once you get into a relationship, it sure does feel nice to have someone help, but the key is to still try to do some things by yourself.

"Today's guys don't really want needy girls. Guys expect the modern girl to be independent and strong," says White. So this idea of the helpless girl can get really old fast. "And it's good for you as well," she adds, "You can remind yourself that you are capable of doing these things. It can be truly empowering."

Men, White says, are attracted at the idea of being with a woman who can take care of herself. So stay in the habit of taking care of problems as they arise; don't just simply deffer them to your man.

Be adventurous: When you were single, you were up for anything: hiking, camping, traveling. Certainly, you and your gal pals thought you could meet cute guys along the trail. But we often lose that spontaneous side, and we get caught up in the details of day-to-day stuff. White says it's important to remain open to new ideas and experiences.

"Take a language class, or learn a new hobby anything to maintain that wild-card element," says White. Remember it was fun when you first started dating, and you'd wondered: "What will he be wearing? Or where are we going for dinner?" That mystery really adds to the passion she says.

And although we're often taught we should know everything about the person we're with, reminding him that you do have your own interests, and that you're interested in developing still as a person, is great. It keeps you interesting, and therefore interested in you.

Be a guy's girl: It's key to understand guy talk, so every once in a while, indulge your guy: Watch the big game with him at home. Or do something as simple as chatting up his friends when they are around to remind yourself how men talk. Men don't analyze life things the way women do. Instead, they like to make one-liners and really have no-frill chats. It's good to know how they talk, and it also keeps you from being too much of a girly-girl.

You've got it, flaunt it: It's also a fact that when you were single you took great care in your appearance because you wanted to look good just in case you met a gorgeous guy at the party or at the movies.

And yes it is a huge relief that when you're in a relationship, you can wear your old college t-shirt or you don't have to look perfect because your man thinks you look great with or without makeup. But making the effort to look good, can be empowering for you, and can have a positive effect on your relationship. Men are highly visual creatures. So the way you look and dress can impact how much he desires you. Looking pretty or sexy can be good for you because you will have confidence in your appearance, and that confidence can make you seem more attractive to your man as well.

Feeling secure and safe with your relationship is great. It's something we all strive for. But every once in a while, do make an effort to look good. Don't always wear your oldest sweat pants even when lounging. Why not wear a clean, newer chic lounge-wear?

Finally, we often think that sexy lingerie is what will keep your relationship interesting, but it's more than that. And it's not really much harder than buying sexy lingerie.

Says White, "Sexy lingerie is supposed to make you feel alive, sexy, different, and when you try to implement some of these things in your relationship, they will have the same effect because the mystery will make you more alive - bringing that great energy to your relationship."
  • Tatiana Morales

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