Don't Copy Your Parents' Marital Woes

If you grew up in an unhappy home, it's natural to think that your parents' problems will affect your future love life. But psychologist and The Early Show contributor Robin Goodman says it's time to stop worrying!

She shares advice, so you parents' troubles don't get passed down to you.

Goodman says you are "at risk" of not having a great marriage or relationship if your parents did not have a great marriage. "Your parents are role models for everything. How they interacted, as well as how they problem-solve. So you may have watched and noticed how they got along. Think about it. If they were hugging and kissing affectionate, if they talked about problems, then you think that's what I should do in a relationship. And the opposite is if they didn't, then you also might think relationships are fraught with distress and misery," she explains.

"Even if you grew up knowing this didn't feel right in the home you're just going to copy it because it just seems normal? Is that the pattern?" Julie Chen asks Goodman.

"Possibly. Of course, there's no guarantee. There's plenty of people that say 'I'm going to be different. I know the kind of relationship that I should have.' But what can happen is it can affect how you feel about yourself and what you expect in a relationship. So you may kind of go into relationships thinking that you can't trust people or if you were a child that was dragged into the middle of relationships, then you might feel like you want to step away from certain situations. Or you may think people are going to be disloyal or maybe cheat if that was something that you witnessed," Goodman says.

Goodman's first tip for shaking your parents' problems is to spend time with many different people.

"You want to have a lot of different kind of experiences. Sometimes the trap is that you repeat something bad habits. Sometimes when you then date someone who is different you realize, 'Oh, my gosh, I can feel different.' Relationships can be different. But also have lots of friends, because you can see them and their positive relationships. And it also helps you feel better about yourself. You won't feel lonely or abandoned," she recommends.

Her second tip is not to label potential mates.

"We sometimes tend to stereotype and say someone who doesn't have such a high-paying job and say 'He's such a loser.' Well, no, maybe it's just he has a different kind of career path. You don't want to compare to what you saw. And you don't want to say, 'See, all men are like this' or 'All women are like this.' You have to be really careful about thinking globally. You want to think about the individual," she explains.

The third tip is confronting conflict.

"Notice when it's happening, because what you don't want to do is escape too quickly. You want to communicate, communicate, communicate. And realize that relationships take work. And that conflict is part of everyday life. It doesn't mean something bad automatically or that the relationship is going to end and you have to run out of there," Goodman says.

"Timing must be key on that one, right? Like when conflict is happening in your relationship, do you have to pick the right spot to discuss it? The right time to discuss it?" Chen asks.

"Yes, you do. You want to sometimes learn how to fight fair. The other thing is you don't want to leave a relationship too soon or stay too long. Sometimes people crave stability because they didn't have it. Other times they think, 'You know what, divorce or just skipping out on this one, that's what I should do,'" she explains.

The final tip is to be realistic.

"Sometimes you tend to fantasize or idealize what the perfect relationship would have been or could be. And then you put pressure on yourself and you abandon ones that aren't. Other times, they may be pessimistic thinking, 'I'm never going to have a happy one' and you're going to settle. So you really want to do a reality check on all parts of your life and your relationships," Goodman says.