There were a lot of losers in 2006. The year's biggest loser may have been Kevin Federline, aka K-fed, Britney Spears' latest spouse. She notified him by text message she was leaving him with no visible means of support, judging by his lame album and live performances. Not to mention, he was punched in the gut on "CSI" and manhandled by a pro wrestler.
Could have been worse — he could have gone hunting with Dick Cheney.
What about Pluto? Stripped of its planetary status — and assigned a number. Can they do that?! Meddle with the universe? Should we start calling the dog 134340?
It was the year of the tarnished tiara. Miss USA was snarled in a sex and drugs scandal so she announced she was going into rehab. Miss Nevada USA. was de-sashed for raunchy photos and said there was a valuable lesson here: "Don't let your guard down when it comes to being photographed," she said — Or your pants.
It was a bad year for anybody who appeared in the movie "Borat." Some of the victims of his on-screen ridicule sued.
Of course, 2006 was a tough year for voters who had to endure an onslaught of idiotic campaign messages, which ran about 10-1 negative to positive. Among the positive ones was a congressman denying he choked his mistress. He lost.
2006 was a tough year all around. Mel Gibson went on a drunken religious rant. A spokesperson said Gibson would enter rehab — Just Say Rehab. That was the magic word cure-all in 2006.
Michael Richards, "Seinfeld"'s Kramer, may have lost a career hurling racial epithets. A spokesman announced he would begin anger management therapy — rehab.
Spinach had a rough year. The green vegetable that made Popeye strong and healthy started making people ill. A spinach spokesperson apologized. I wonder if it went into rehab.
New York decided to ban trans fats and foie gras was banned in Chicago.
Author James Frey's goose was cooked after lying to Oprah about his memoir.
It was a tough year for actor Rip Torn, photographically, when he was arrested for DWI.
It was a difficult year for the football team the Cincinnati Bengals, which played their games on a work release basis after eight players were arrested.
It was a bad year for casino magnate Steve Wynn, who put his elbow through his Picasso.
2006 was a bad year for underwear. Much as the collapse of the hat industry when President Kennedy went bareheaded, trendsetter Britney Spears put underwear in peril when she was caught on camera with her pants down
You know the old saying "my luck is so bad I can't get arrested?" O.J. Simpson seemed to be trying to confess in his book "If I Did It," but they wouldn't release the book.
And John Mark Karr offered his confession to killing JonBenet Ramsey and was disappointed when authorities didn't believe him.
2006 has been a tough year, but like the Southern Illinois University college cheerleader who broke her neck but kept cheering as she was carried off in a stretcher, we didn't let it get us down.