Best Valentine's Day Gift Idea Song Lyrics

A treadmill, dumb bells, work out tapes

A gym membership and Quaker rice cakes

If you don't' wanna make a Valentine's mistake

Then stop dropping hints about a growing waist

If your girlfriend's pants are bursting at the seams

And you wanna give a boost to her self-esteem

Because fitting clothes from high school is a far off dream

Then buy her a pair of Pajama Jeans.

If you're having trouble finding the right words to say

"I wanna take a break" or "I might be gay"

If you wanna break the news a more subtle way

Bittersweet Candy Hearts can save the day.

If your husband's equipment isn't working right

And you're yearning for a little afternoon delight

But every time you bring it up, it starts a fight

Some Viagra in his vodka helps you reunite.

If..on the road of love, you've hit a bump

And you find your relationship is in a slump

If you need a new way to get over that hump.

Maybe you should sit together while you take a dump

If you're trying to think of ways to show how much you care

Tell her that you love her, you'll always be there

Unless you're girlfriend's 12-years-old, buyer beware

There's nothing more disturbing than a teddy bear

So...

Forget about jewelry or new golf clubs

Forget chocolates or custom coffee mugs

For the Valentine's Day that you've been dreaming of

Like John Lennon said, "All You Need is Love!"

  • Nicholas Dietz On Twitter»

    Nick Dietz is an associate producer, on-camera personality and reporter for CBSNews.com. And, host of the viral video wrap up show "The Feed."

The all new
CBS News App for Android® for iPad® for iPhone®
Fully redesigned. Featuring CBSN, 24/7 live news. Get the App