Remember when the elders would tell you how hard life used to be, how they walked two miles to school in the snow … uphill? Both ways?
Now it's my turn.
On Sunday Morning's 30th anniversary, it's my turn to tell the younger generation - my granddaughter Lucie - how hard we had it back in the day.
Once upon a time it was 1979. Life back then was tough! We didn't have what you have today.
Back then there was no Elmo. Can you even begin to imagine life without Elmo?!
No Judge Judy, no Oprah! No MTV, no ESPN, no 24-hour cable news! Why, if a cat was stuck up in a tree in Keokuk, Iowa, the country would never even know about it!
We were poor, Lucie. There were no big four wheel drive SUVs. We drove two-wheel drive cars! We didn't have leather sneakers. Our sneakers were made of canvas!
We had to wear cheap, flammable leisure suits!
There was no salad in plastic bags! Lettuce came in a round ball that you had to tear into pieces with your own two hands! Can you believe it? No!!
And were our hands clean? No! There was no Purell.
No microwave popcorn! No Diet Coke! No bottled water!
We had no Chicken McNuggets! We ate legs and wings and thighs, and were happy to have 'em!
[We didn't even know chickens had nuggets!]
Lucie, do you know what this is? It's a typewriter. In 1979 we were still using typewriters at the "newspaper" I worked for.
There was no World Wide Web, no e-mail, no Google. Back then we had big, 30-volume sets of encyclopedias.
Cell phones, Lucie? Forgettaboutit. You wanted to make a call, you stuck close to the wall, where the phone was plugged in!
We didn't even have Post-It Notes until 1979.
We didn't have ATMs. (Where did our money come from?)
There wasn't a Starbucks on every corner. Starbucks coffee shops did not exist! No one had ever heard of a "frappuccino."
Oh, what was! On lots of streetcorners were what they called "phone booths," where you'd go in, close the "door" and have a "private conversation."
(You remember "private conversations"?)
There was no Prozac, no Ambien, no Viagra - not that we needed that stuff.
I'd never heard of sushi in 1979. Who'd want to eat dead, raw fish? Cats!
Lucie, are you listening to me?
I don't know if you completely comprehend, Lucie, just how tough it was in 1979. There were no rollers on our suitcases, no pilates. We didn't have pinot grigio! No Victoria's Secret!
And until 1979 there was no Sunday Morning show.
It was tough. Yes, baby, it was tough.