Introducing: 60 Minutes All Access Learn More +
Unlimited, ad-free viewing of 60 Minutes archives, Overtime and extras

A Look At The Wacky World Of Awards

And The Winner Is... Best Fake Cream??

A weekly commentary by CBS News correspondent Andy Rooney.

We're coming up on the awards time of year again. Everyone likes to win an award and a lot of organizations like giving them.

This is a book of awards, 1574 pages of them. Something for everyone in here. The Frank Hesselroth Leadership Award...The American Academy of Fixed Prosthodontics gives an award.

A lot of companies give awards instead of raises because they're know "Employee of the Month Award." They put the person's picture up in the office.

One of the most prestigious awards is the Nobel Peace Prize.

They've given The Nobel Prize to some strange people, for example Menachem Begin, Anwar Sadat, Yasser Arafat and Yitzak Rabin all got it for bringing peace to the Middle East. With peace like that, the world could end tomorrow.

The trouble with most of these awards is, you have to apply for demeaning. These are all application forms. If you want a Gracie Award, you have to apply by December 13th.

You fill out all these forms and tell them how wonderful you are.

The Peabody Awards sends out a "Call For Entries."

Years ago I wrote and produced a television documentary and they gave a Peabody Award for it to the person who read it on camera. That's when I started reading what I write myself on camera.

This is an Emmy I won years ago, after I applied for it. Don Hewitt, the producer of 60 Minutes, needs more space for his. This is really gross. He's good but he's not that good.

The most popular awards are the Oscars, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. This is a fake Oscar. They won't let you show a real one.

No one seems to know where the name Oscar came from. One story is that when the sculptor first brought it to the Academy office, some woman there said "It looks like my uncle, Oscar." And that was it.

Groceries have been big medal winners over the years. We have a collection of award-winning food.

McCann's Irish Oatmeal was given the Uniformity of Granulation Award at the World's Columbian Exhibition in 1893.

Beck's Beer won the gold medal in Bremen in 1874 and again in Philadelphia in 1876. Martinelli's Cider has been a big winner, although not lately.

Berio Extra Virgin Olive oil - lots of medals.

I never understood "extra virgin." I mean, either it is or it isn't.

Here's the most surprising winner though – CoffeeMate fake cream. It was judged "Best Tasting" in 2001 by the American Tasting Institute. You question the taste of the Tasting Institute.

There's one television award I like best. That's when someone stops me on the street and says "Hey, I liked your piece on 60 Minutes the other night."