Trube Stories: Kicking The Habit - Getting Ready
By Emily Trube | @KRLDEmily
My Mema used to say "it takes as long to get out of the woods as it did to get in." True. I can only take one step at a time - one cigarette craving at a time. Luckily, the cravings only last for seven minutes, seven long minutes.
I started the quitting process on January 1st. For the first two weeks, I went eight hours at a stretch, every day, without smoking. I am now at ten-hour-long stretches. My official no-going-back quit date is Thursday, February 5th. I came up with this program myself and have not seen it talked about or endorsed in any of the information I've read. In fact, most of the advice I've gotten both on and off line, is to stop "cold turkey." I absolutely understand the rational behind that. Believe me. But, I have quit cold turkey before, four different times, in fact. It obviously didn't work for me. My experiences with quitting before have taught me that what I need is mindful practice in living without cigarettes.
Sizing up the Competition
When you read through websites on smoking cessation programs, one word pops up over and over - prepare. The Centers for Disease Control website has a handy checklist. In fact, when I signed up on Legacy's Become an Ex website, it suggested that I set a quit date between 10 days and two weeks in the future. It seems the research the website is based on, in part conducted by the Mayo Clinic, has found that quitting impulsively with no plan, tools or support leads to major slips that turn people back into smokers.
Part of my preparation has been to learn about the science of smoking, helping me to better understand what is happening to me when I smoke and how my body reacts when I take the cigarettes away. I've been studying up on nicotine receptors in the brain and researching dopamine. More and more, I am coming to the conclusion that a smoking addiction is really no different from any other kind of drug addiction. Essentially, when I feel a craving, part of what is happening is that my brain is telling me that I am going to die if I don't have a cigarette - and that's not an exaggeration. My brain is literally telling me that my survival and elbowing depends upon me getting nicotine into my system. Talk about irony.
In my childlike imagination, I see the nicotine receptors in my brain as little purple flowers, growing from a vine of dopamine pathways. This vine has taken strong root and my head is now covered with blooms. And, man, are those flowers loud! They are constantly wanting something from me - trying to warn me or get engaged in conversation, like some weird garden patch in a Disney movie. Every single time I've fallen off the wagon before, it was in the midst of a powerhouse craving that struck during an emotionally painful or stressful experience. The nicotine receptors that have doubled, tripled, quadrupled in my brain during my smoking years were trying to convince me that the pain I was experiencing would go away if only I would smoke a cigarette. Just one. That's all I needed. What a crock.
My body cries out for a cigarette, too. If you smoked a pack a day like I did, you bring your hand to your mouth approximately 300 times every day. Over the course of the past two decades, that was about 1.8 million hand-to-mouth gestures. Not bringing your hand to your mouth on a regular basis feels uncomfortable, like something is missing. That's probably why so many people start over-eating when they quit smoking. That, and the fact that you can suddenly taste how yummy food truly is. The other day, I went nuts over a quinoa salad, for crying out loud.
So, my smoking addiction has been controlling my mind, my body, my schedule, my money and -- as it turns out -- my emotions. Great. It's like having an abusive boyfriend.
Thank goodness my cravings only last for seven minutes. And, I am learning that the research shows the receptors will die on the vine after a while, sometimes within a few months. Well, almost all of them die. The really hardy ones stick around. And, while they are much fewer in number, they are sneaky and cunning and have very long memories. They lie in wait and then strike when you least expect it. Those guys will continue to live in my brain for the rest of my life.
Plan it Out
I'm a talker. I find that I process things better when I can share with people about what I'm thinking and feeling. That's how I knew that getting involved in a group or a class would work best for me. The Tarrant County Freedom from Smoking Plan is based on the American Lung Association's curriculum of the same name. I've been meeting once a week for the past three weeks with a small, yet committed, group of people who want to break free. We go through the material with a facilitator, who then asks us questions about our experience and offers tools for getting through rough patches. As I wrote about in my previous blog, this grant-funded program is free to all Tarrant County residents. A similar program, also free, is available at UT Southwestern in Dallas as well.
Looking around the table at the remarkably brave folks in my group -- and listening to their stories, I was forced to look at my own reasons for quitting. It's been a bit surprising to fully realize that my true reason, deep down, is simply for me and my peace of mind. I want to live without the chattering in my head and without the abusive boyfriend. The crazy stuff going on in my brain is doing its best to try and convince me that my life will not be worth living without nicotine and the abusive force behind the cigarettes is trying to convince me that I am not strong enough to live without it. Not only that, but the abusive cigarette boyfriend has taken to telling me that I will not make it on my own and that all of the tools I'm using to get out won't work. Plus, it says that it is wrong of me to even want to live free from smoking. I mean, who do I think I am? Do I think I'm better, or something?
Lawd, lawd, as Mema would say.
Clearly, I need to arm up. I need tools and changes. I need to gather up some courage. But, above all, I need to want it. I need to believe that there is something better on the other side.
As a quick side note about free programs that are based around talking, another option is Nicotine Anonymous. All 12-step groups have the traditions of anonymity and staying out of the public media. Their PR policy is based on attraction rather than promotion, so I won't go too in-depth out of respect. I will say that there are Nicotine Anonymous meetings in North Texas and an online search will get you to the schedule. As far as the program goes, it is based on Alcoholics Anonymous, switching out cigarettes for booze. While I am not an alcoholic (there but for the grace of God go I), I have read Bill W.'s "Big Book" and I have to say it's one of the most revolutionary texts written during the last century, or maybe any century. It is especially incredible when you realize that Alcoholics Anonymous was developed during the Great Depression, during a time in our history when people simply did not talk openly about their emotions.
Trying it Out
Mornings are the toughest, especially when your morning starts at 3:15 am. Yes, that's right. I start in the KRLD Newsroom at 4:00 in the morning. That morning cigarette has been my lifeline. I was absolutely convinced that I would not be able to wake up without it. The facilitator of my group in Tarrant County pointed out to me that I, myself, had assigned a magical power to the morning cigarette. Basically, I was buying its BS. Just as I had decided that I had to have it, I could decide that I did not need it. Huh.
I tried it out. In an effort to trick the addiction, I switched out the coffee in my programmed maker to tea. Instead of milk, I used lemon. I didn't sit. I went straight into the shower. About midway through my new routine, I got a tap on the head from my little needy and abusive companions who asked me, "Hey, aren't you forgetting something?" I ignored them and kept going. That was a week ago. Those tricky little guys do not like the new morning program at all. But, that's OK, because I do.
<<<PREVIOUS: Part 1 -- Back To The Beginning | NEXT: Part 3 -- Triggers>>>
(©2015 CBS Local Media, a division of CBS Radio Inc. All Rights Reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.)