What Married Women Want More Than Sex
A new iVillage survey of wives aged 18-49 reveals that sex in married life takes a little bit of a hit. Surprised?
On "The Early Show," Liz Zack, editor of pregnancy and parenting at iVillage, and Ian Kerner, therapist and author of "Love in a Time of Colic," discussed some of the results.
Two thousand American wives between the ages of 18 and 49 were surveyed about their sex lives by iVillage. The most alarming finding was that 77 percent reported being "somewhat to extremely happy" with their sex life, but 63 percent of them would rather sleep, watch a movie or read than have sex.
On "The Early Show," Kerner joked to "Early Show" co-anchor Julie Chen, "First of all, I want to say I'm a dad, I have two kids. And a lot of men out there would also prefer sleep or books."
He continued, "But on the serious side, I kind of look at this as sort of bad news. You may say you're happy with your sex life, but in the end, if night after night you're consistently picking a book, TV, Facebook, digital networking, any distraction that's out there over intimacy with your partner, in the long run, your relationship could become vulnerable to things like infidelity. So you have to put sex at the center of your relationship."
But Zack said this seems to be normal behavior.
"Who can't relate to that stat, that sometimes you and your partner, your bio rhythms are just a little bit off, and sometimes you'd rather finish your book than get to it."
Kerner replied, "I think it's normal, but also a little lazy. I think your sex life is sort of like going to the gym. You got to get back into the routine and it's a little hard at the beginning, but once you do it, it's like try it, you'll like it. You'll want to keep going to the gym."
The survey also featured news that's not all bad news for the husbands: Over half of the women surveyed reported that they are married to "the best sex of their lives."
However, 62 percent of women said they fantasize about having sex with someone other than their husband.
But is that a bad thing?
Zack said, "I actually don't think fantasizing about other people in bed is all that bad. One of the other really interesting things that we found is that, although 77 percent, some incredibly high percentage of women, were really happy with their sex life, almost 80 percent of women rated their sex lives as predictable in some way, whether they keep doing it the same night of the week, the same position, the same room of the house. That predictability didn't affect their happiness."
Kerner also said fantasizing isn't bad, either.
He said, "I think fantasies are taboo for a reason. We have these taboos in our minds and in our imaginations and we don't act them out in life. I think there's a nice balance and in the privacy of your own imagination, anything goes."
But should you tell your spouse your fantasies?
Kerner said that depends on your relationship.
"This survey is showing that couples love each other and are satisfied. If you have that trust, and you can say, 'Hey, I'm thinking about Brad Pitt,' it all depends on the relationship."
Chen said, "Well, if he says, 'I'm thinking about Julia Roberts,' don't get mad."
Zack said, "You have to know your spouse. You certainly have to know your spouse."