P.C.U.K.

That appalling American disease, political correctness, is spreading here like wildfire.

The British Parliament is probably going to ban foxhunting – a sport which involves chasing around the country on horseback with a bunch of dogs to kill a fox. Not very nice for the fox, but foxes aren’t averse to chasing round the country doing a bit of killing themselves.

We humans – on the other hand - ought to know better, so that’s why Parliament’s going through the painstakingly slow process of trying to ban it with a new law. However they may not need to bother. Because the Isle of White Hunt, down on the south coast of England, has already been served with a 'noise abatement order' by its local council.

The Isle of White hunting dogs live in kennels when they’re not out chasing foxes and they bark, as all dogs tend to do quite naturally. But the folk who live nearby don’t like the sound of it. So the dogs will either have to stop barking, or the hunt will have to get rid of the dogs, and therefore get rid of themselves. “Woof, woof” and they all get banned. Political correctness gone mad.

But there is madder still to come. Have you ever thrown snow at anyone? Bent down, picked up a lump of the freshly fallen white stuff, patted it into a handy sphere and then chucked it ? I know I have. And I also know I wouldn’t dare admit it if I was a teenage pupil at Fairway Middle School in Norwich, on the east coast of England. If you want to throw snow at anyone there, you’ve now got to ask permission of your victim first: “excuse me, would you mind awfully if I throw some snow at you?”

This ridiculous rule has been introduced not only in the name of political correctness, thank you so much America, but also because of another extremely dodgy US import – litigious personal injury lawyers.

There’s only one word for it: Snowballs.

By Ed Boyle