2005 left me with more questions than answers. Am I on a terrorist watch list because I called Visa's Customer Service number which somehow happened to be in India? Or when I dialed Citibank's help line which wound up in South Africa? All I did was dial 1-800-something. Do those international calls make me spy-able? Am I in trouble?
And when did kids stop being kids? This past Halloween a girl came by to trick or treat and she was talking on her cell phone. She stood there, bag open, deep in conversation. I thought: what are you dressed as, 'busy American teen, circa 2005?' "Could you put down the phone and say 'trick or treat,'" I said. "Oh yeah. Trick or treat," she said, and went right back to talking. Her friend (shaggy wig, pirate hat) took the candy and thanked me. "She's sorry she's rude," she said.
A few weeks later a female bank robber was caught on tape chatting on her cell as she handed the teller her holdup note. The surveillance video was grainy, but I'm sure that bank robber was chewing Halloween candy from my house. It was her, I'm sure of it.
And how's that new President of the Ukraine, Viktor Yuschenko? Remember him? And how during his campaign, he started out handsome and popular and was poisoned with toxic soup, which wrecked his insides, pockmarked his face and almost killed him, and then was almost cheated out of his legitimate victory but the people persevered and he was elected President? Last year? Big scandal? How's he feeling? How's his country? Aren't we interested anymore?
And why didn't they leave the little TV Guide alone? Now that it's big, it's not TV Guide anymore. Period.
And what ever happened to opening your Christmas presents on Christmas? A few days before the holiday, my friend's daughter Brigid spotted a package from Amazon.com that had been delivered to her house. She memorized the tracking number, went to the computer, found the website, plugged in the number, and found out exactly what was in that box. "I got what I wanted for Christmas!" her mother heard her shrieking. It was diabolical, and she's just ten years old. Forget about hiding toys in the closet. That's so last century. Or: Technology has actually destroyed the element of surprise!
I need answers. I need closure. Happy New Year.