"Learning How To Spot A Good Guy" is a featured article in the June issue of Cosmopolitan magazine, and editor-in-chief Kate White visits The Early Show to offer the highlights.
"Most women will tell you they've dated 'bad boys,'" White says. And in discussing "bad boys," she is not referring to dangerous, controlling men, men who threaten your safety by verbally or physically abusing you. She is not talking about men with anger issues, who might be secret gamblers or substance abusers. Those men are to be avoided at all costs. These "bad boys" are the ones who can't commit and will just drive you crazy when you try to have a relationship with them.
You have to figure out how to stop the pattern of picking the wrong guys. White says, "The problem is that once you've been through this kind of emotional wringer, you really start to doubt yourself. You ask yourself, 'What did I do wrong?' Well, you need to take a look at the pattern."
White offers the following four specific tips for learning to make better choices.
Review Previous Mistakes:
White believes that women can learn to make better choices by looking at the choices they've made in the past. She says, "The first thing you can do is step back and see if there is a pattern going on. Do you have a history of dating non-committal guys? What drew you to them initially? Was there something positive that appealed to you? Sometimes, you're drawn to the spontaneous, 'fun' guy and that really appeals to you initially. But then, you begin to see the spontaneous guy as one who becomes a 'rolling stone.'
"Look for the triggers," she continues. "Is he a risk taker? That risk taker might be attractive at first, but then, what if he takes risks with the relationship? Look at what attracted you in the beginning and see how that attraction manifested itself as the relationship progressed."
Awareness of the initial trigger can prevent you from being drawn into that trigger over and over.